I Smell Heaven's Bakery. Hallelujah!

"ALOHA"......... Now you repeat it back.
Our trip to Maui was so much fun. We really enjoyed it. As you can see by the pictures we are allowing on the blog, we did a lot of fun. We did some snorkeling as you can see by Dad's outfit. And really, I did it, too. We saw squid, schools of fish - all different colors and Dad saw a big ol' turtle. And no, it wasn't me. I am standing outside of Cheeseburger in Paradise in Lahaina. It's the famous cheeseburger restaurant in that Jimmy Buffet song. Then the sunset in just next to it when we got through eating. The next picture is a view from our balcony. Picture-perfect. We took the famous "Road to Hana" and it took 3 hours for 3o miles - one way. There are over 600 turns in the road and over 350 bridges. The rain was coming down in buckets and this is a picture of a waterfall that had turned into a raging river. We had a great time. Thanks for letting us go.

"oh great, another mission story"

For those that don’t know and don’t care or do know and do care, I started compiling skimpy journal entries, letters (thanks for keeping these, Mom) and thoughts from my mission in hopes of salvaging a seven year-old fading memory of two years of my life, like when I forgot that I had malaria, as diagnosed by my mission president, and finally saw that I had written it in my journal. I know it sounds cheesy but I’m putting it into more of a story/blog format. I’ve been doing it for about six months now and have traversed about a fourth of my mission. Don’t worry; I’m not competing with “The Other Side of Heaven” or “In the Eye of the Storm” (as was the original name of his book). Besides, how could you market “The Other Side of Hell” or “In the Armpit of the Storm?” Just kidding…(no, but seriously).

Anyway, the following is an excerpt and introduction to a story I just finished of one of my first p-days. Don’t make too much fun or I will keep posting them…

In my mission, preparation day fell on a Monday and I liked it that way. Mostly because it gave me time to relax a little bit following Sunday, which for me was probably the most taxing day during the week due to a couple of reasons. First, it always weighed heavily on the soul when picking up investigators from their homes and finding them with a sudden fever or a sever case of gastritis. That’s not to say that all our investigators exhibited signs of sudden illness on Sunday mornings, but it was a practice all too common. I guess "Dios no quiso." Sometimes you would grow to expect it and be pleasantly surprised that the bug failed to reach their house.

Another reason for Sunday’s reputation was the bittersweet taste of fast Sunday. I don’t care who you are, Fast Sunday can be very difficult at times. Of course, if it wasn’t difficult, it wouldn’t be much of a sacrifice and since sacrifice brings forth blessings, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I learned in my first area that the sacrifice increases at least ten fold when applied during the mission. At least at home, you can ball up into a corner in a fetal position and count away the minutes without expending too much life-sustaining energy. Unfortunately the mission field only offered dust from the dirt roads and streaming sweat as a source of sustenance; especially when the two mixed and formed a nutritious paste on your teeth. But who’s complaining?

The bottom line is that I desperately needed time on the Monday following a fast Sunday to lick my wounds and regain lost energy. At least it wasn’t as bad as a friend of mine who was concurrently serving in Mexico. He was instructed to begin his fast only after his last meal had been digested, which was revealed (divinely, I’m sure) to be approximately six hours. This means if the last meal was at 5 o’clock in the evening on Saturday, the fast truly started at about eleven. This meant that to break your fast, you would have to wait until eleven on Sunday night. I think in that area, the mission president also paid 12 percent tithing, but that allegation has yet to be substantiated. My friend also had a companion that tried stabbing him with a knife. If it meant no more 30 hour fasts, I think I would have let him.

Anyway, p-days provided a much needed rejuvenation period. If we weren’t resting on p-day, we were doing some kind of recreational activity like futbolito (soccer on a small playing area), basketball w/out traveling, double dribble or foul violations, visiting a local attraction, or video games at the local arcade (more on that later).

In guess when it comes right down to it, I really have no idea why it is called preparation day. I mean, I know the textbook answer would be something to the effect that “it provides a set time in which the missionary can prepare for the upcoming week.” What does that mean? Prepare for what? Isn’t that why I had to wake up at six o’clock every morning—to read scriptures, talk about our investigators and PREPARE the best course of action for the day and week. Someone please enlighten me! Don’t tell me I need more preparation time when I’m already doing it six days a week.

Maybe there are other reasons for the term preparation day. Others I could think of would be to get a haircut (once every five weeks), buy new shoes or do grocery shopping. These are all worthy preparation activities but in no way do they represent a day’s worth. Thirty minutes (tops) of true preparation on p-day does not warrant that the term p-day be used by 60,000+ missionaries every day. And I’m sorry, but if you went on your mission anywhere near Third World status like Honduras, Ecuador or East San Antonio, you can’t exactly plan a meal two days ahead, let alone seven—dare I admit that I went grocery shopping other days besides Monday. And even then, grocery shopping, as others can attest, consisted of going to the house on the corner, buying two rolls, a chocolate milk, and anti-diarrhea medicine. And then in some areas, someone cooks for you (which still required a trip to house on the corner for the anti-diarrhea medicine).

Maybe there are other reasons I am not touching on. Maybe it is a term used in the “olden” days to describe a day off when a missionary’s preparation required a little more overall preparation like to skin animals and sew their own clothes. Maybe it just won’t go away and will be like that just because it “has always been that way”—kind of like the facial hair Honor Code restrictions at BYU (don’t get me started). Maybe they need to change the name, but that would probably have to go through the Correlation Committee. Maybe I need to move on.

Really, it’s not that big of a deal, despite the way I make it sound. I guess I’m just throwing it out there.

Moving on…

On one such “preparation day,” I was challenged to a round of Mortal Kombat in an old store on the corner about 50 feet away from our apartment. I was surprised for three reasons: First, I didn’t think the building had electricity, let alone an arcade console. Second, the arcade only took the equivalent of about three cents, and third, Elder Cook, from El Salvador, was more serious in competing against me than any time he talked about the first vision. It was scary and amusing at the same time.

In the first round…

Warning: Sports-related post

Unfortunately, the WNBA gets more publicity than the Utah Jazz. I’ve only seen them play twice this year. The first game was against the Spurs, which they won, despite Tim Duncan’s whiny face that makes him look like he’s been constipated for three weeks. I’ve never known why Mom has always said that the Spurs is a team “you could root for if you had to.” Try living here. Three things make me dislike them: Bruce Bowen, Manu Ginobli’s acting, and Eva Longoria, who is now officially more annoying than Bill Walton. The second game was against the Lakers in which Kobe decided to actaully start playing. Needless to say, the Jazz got blown out more than Carlos Boozer’s chest hair on a date night.

As you can imagine, it’s been especially frustrating due to the fact that they stand at 16-5 and first in the NBA and even get a highlight or two on ESPN and I can’t watch nay of it. Granted, the season is only a fourth of the way through but still. The last time they started this good, I was sitting in the MTC listening on an illegal radio smuggled in by the same guys who visited a roommate with sister missionary name tags. The Jazz were taking it to the bulls. If not for Karl Malone spending time filming Rockwell 2 instead of practicing, they may have pulled it off. Now, every once in a while I’ll follow the Gamecenter on sportsline.com but that is it.

I posted a comment last year that said to the effect that Williams would be a bust. Maybe he read what I wrote and it has been next to the clock in his weight room for the past year, thus motivating him to his current status as one of the “to-go guys” on the team. I like him and think he could be really good—just needs some post up moves for mismatch situations and he could be an all star in two more years. Again, this is coming from someone who has only seen the team twice and a few highlights.

I am a little worried about Kirilenko. He wanted the max, got a franchise-player contract, and now looks like Dolph Lungren at the end of the fight in Rocky IV running up and down the court taking shots. Lucky for the Jazz, he should put up all star numbers again in 2011. Coincidentally, this is when his contract expires.

Where did Boozer come from? His contract doesn’t expire till ’09 and he is playing like Teen Wolf, without the chest ha….uhh, well you get the idea. I always knew he had it. He reminds me of Shane Battier with good post moves with that short jump hook.

Mehment Okur looks like he just woke up 10 minutes before the game after drinking too much egg nog the night before. He can rebound, hit a three, and pull off the runner fairly easily for a big man. He looks like a cross between Vlade Divac and the guy on my bus who has to wipe his drool every five minutes.

The bench players look like great role players who know when to step up. I’m not too familiar with any of them except Rafael Araujo who is competing with Shawn Bradley for overhyped BYU big man of the NBA. I think his best bet is to become a Mark Madsen: cheer wildly from the sidelines, set hard picks, enter a dance competition and look as awkward as possible. For all I know, he may be doing this already—have yet to see him play.

Anyway, I’m excited about the Jazz this year and for Jerry Sloan who could finally win the Coach of the Year Award.

I guess that’s it.

I done spill my drink!!

Well, San Antonio is done and over with. I was excited but overwhelmed at the fact that I flew alone for the first time. With all the recent hype on airplane safety, As I was sitting on the plane next to two big guys still drinking and swearing like they just found out about it, I thought of four things that, while not prohibited, would have made the passenger next to me a little scared of me than me of them.

4. Show up. I have come to the conclusion that I am just a weird person, which goes without saying. This hypothesis has come from many days of walking on campus and noticing the several stares I receive from the students. After checking my zipper twice, blowing my nose about three times, and then checking my zipper again, I have come to realize that I must look a little different.

3. Go in my normal travel apparel. I don’t travel by plane very often, but I do know that super long/baggy basketball shorts with my knee-length, black soccer socks is the most comfortable outfit I own. Top this off with some nice, black-tinted lil’ john sunglasses and I will be “ridin’ dirty”…dirty enough to where I might get the extra pat-down at the check-in and the wearied looks. Now, if only I could find a place that sells a nice set of grillz…

2. Layout my pass-along cards and two copies of Book of Mormon. Once the plane takes off, and they give us permission to unlock our table thing, I’ll begin to take out my missionary tools. “Would you like to hear a story of a young boy…” “We too hold those same beliefs…” “According to the Day of Defense, you are mistaken in…” This would take the number one spot, seeing as even I would kind of cringe sitting next to an over-zealous returned missionary, however, my next one just might win it.

1. Do my Arabic homework. Since Arabic seems to be the language that every ingenuous person fears due to recent and not-so recent events, opening my book and studying my vocabulary out-loud just might cause my neighbor to push the flight attendant button a little too much. I might even go the extra mile and teach them some of the words that I recently learned in my 101 class: “united nations” “suicide” “terrorism” just might get them on edge.

Well, it's done and over with. School is exciting and only two/three more weeks until finals/end of classes.

And if any of you haven't seen
this then its about time you do. I have only seen it 47 times and I get teary-eyed every time.

November Pics

Oliver with Tio Trevor

Enjoying Thanksgiving Dinner-especially the sugared Butternut Squash

At the Zoo-What do you think happened next?

Oliver with Tio Chad

Crossing the line

Who out there thinks Nick crossed the line today by using his scripture case (without any of the standard works in it) to conceal a book he was reading during sacrament meeting? I don't know what to think since he wore a tie and white shirt and even read a scripture out loud in Sunday School.

"So I spent most of my time looking for beer."

"Fleshy headed mutant. Are you friendly?"

"No way, eh. Radiation has made me an enemy of civilization."

It's ten years after World War 4 (2051 A.D.) yet I am loving life with the creation of the best idea I have ever had. Do you see that artsy synthesis of genius and chrome in the picture above? I created it last week. It's my new shower head. It consists of a 2-channel water diverter, two adaptable low-flow shower heads, and an extender arm. Each of the two shower heads comes equipped with a shut-off valve so I can have none, one, or both going at the same time. Does your back get cold when you rinse your hair? Mine doesn't. How long does it take you to rinse yourself off? I bet it takes me half the time. When you have to share the shower, are you often left out in the cold shivering? I'm not. Let me know if you would like a consult. I guarantee my work to be finished in 10 weeks or less. ;-)

By the way, you can find the movie clip to which I alluded here.

Ideas for Christmas Gifts???

Is it sad that I've seen this a dozen times? Or the fact that I know 90% of the references? And I do have to admit that in my freshman year I memorized Pi out to 50 places.

If you haven't seen this yet, give it a try. It will only take 2.5 minutes of your time. Without naming names, some of you have probably seen this, downloaded it, and forwarded it to others. There is no shame in this (at least that is what I keep telling myself).

And yes, I am still alive.

That is all

Chad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xEzGIuY7kw

Test Scores Part 2

For those of you who are interested and still read this thing, i have recieved my scores for my ESL TExES Exam. it is a passing one. 261/300. not as good as the first, but i will take it. it was a lot harder. anywho...i am now considered "qualified" to teach an elementary ESL classroom (or just elementary). Yea...now if only I could get a job. No but seriously, I have gotten a substitute job for one of the districts here. I'm hoping that a long term sub position will turn into a teaching position, (which is the way most of the teachers from my program got thier job) It's all very exciting. I only have 1 day left of class. I have scored the highest rank on all my projects and presentations. My teacher said that I will make an excellent teacher and not to toot my own horn, but everyone in class didn't want to go after me because in the words of my fellow students, "i am a hard act to follow." A cauple people have also said that I should be a graphic designer...who can argue with that? Maybe for my next career. Anyway...to sum things up...I am glad i passed and am excited to start teaching.

Halloween -- LDS Style

So on Saturday we had a ward Halloween party. There's nothing like hanging out at the Cultural Hall enjoying a glass of apple juice under the basketball hoop.

Just a few observations regarding costumes:

- The adults that show up seem to fit in one of three categories:
1) Those who come in full costume. Nine times out of ten this includes the one guy that comes dressed up in some freaked out costume like the grim reaper or dracula.
2) Those who choose to not dress up at all.
3) Those who put on some of their "regular" clothes they have in the closet and call it a costume. Examples include the husband and wife that both wear a soccer jersey with jeans; those who wear scrubs (even though they've never worked in the medical field but bought them because they're "cool pajamas"); and my personal favorite, the guy who wore his suit with his old missionary tag.

Just for the record, Mayka and I dressed up as disco stars. I had my hair slicked back and towards the end of the night, the bishop's wife came up and said to me, "We've been trying all night to figure out what you are. Are you supposed to be some sort of pimp?" Looks like I'll be keeping that Webelos calling.

As part of the festivities, people could bring their pre-carved pumpkins for a contest. Well, our family brought five pumpkins (we each carved our own) and even though Mom never taught us to carve pumpkins growing up, I got first place. (Mayka got a respectable second.)

In the photo, the pumpkins, from left to right, were designed by Rhys, Riley, Mayka, Sam, myself.

Well, after the games, musical chairs, and my all-time favorite activity the piñata, the night ended with trunk-or-treating outside in the pitch black parking lot. I don't think I've ever seen Rhys as excited as he was that night when all of a sudden he realized that people put candy in his bag and all he had to do was hold it out. It was fun to watch.

McDonald's Lovin'

OK, so there are only about four days left for the McDonald's Monopoly Game. I've got the monopoly board and now need your game pieces. If we win, we split the money six ways. If you have any game pieces lying around, let me know what they are and I will tell you if we still need them.

Come on people! Hurry up and stuff down those Big Macs, Sausage Biscuits, small 32 oz. sodas, we've got to win! If everyone eats there two meals a day for the next three days, there's no telling what we could win!

I be one ugly mofo!!

Well, the secret is out. For the past month I have been dating someone (a girl, in case you were wondering, Chad) and her name is Brenna Jackson. She is an Orem native and I met her at one of my roommate's wedding luncheon. (*sidenote: the girl in the "engagement" picture is just a friend here from work. Her name is Elaine. She is actually 27 years old and also a crew chief. We just thought we would make fun of all the other cheesy wedding pictures that were on the board at that time). Also, for the past two weeks I have been hounded and bugged and molested and annoyed with constant badgering from my roommates to hold her hand. Well, to make the long story short, I finally did the night before last. Cool. Anyway, the next morning I am walking into work, open up the paper to the Letters to the Editor and the first article I see is an article entitled "Looks aren't important". I glance briefly at the name and who is it but Brenna Jackson from Orem, Utah. Go ahead and laugh. Everyone else that I have told seems to do that without any sort of restraint. If you want to read the letter here it is. The actual letter is in response to a previous letter titled birds of a feather wherein the author states how ugly men need to stick to ugly women and good looking men need to stick to good-looking women and vice versa. Brenna is just refuting that claim. She said she didn't pick that title; that it was chosen by the editor and that it presented the message wrong. Bytheway, in response to my asking if I could write about this to you guys, she said I couldn't do it, so lets just keep this on the DL. Great. Hope you had a great laugh.

I'm Engaged!!

Just thought I would let you all know that I am in engaged. Cool, huh?

Conference Call

Being Conference weekend, I thought I’d start out with a joke of a spiritual nature—a family favorite even.

What do you call a religious Dorito?
-a chipmunk

Mike & I went to Priesthood meeting yesterday. It was difficult but we decided to leave the ice chest at home. A couple of observations:

--We have a men’s choir from Brigham City. Mike asks if any of our cousins might be there. Uh, no. No sign of Wilford Brimley either. Highly disappointing.

--Why is it that the General Authorities use middle and other initials? Is it because we might get confused with another Gordon Hinckley that lives in Iowa and works at the local Chucky Cheese’s? Why doesn’t this apply to Bishops on the ward programs? I’m full of questions. I guess it’s just one of those things that you never find out the reason. It’s like wondering why anyone in their right mind would buy a Ralph Tresvant album. You’ll always just end up scratching your head and decide to move on in life.

--Note to the brethren: all buildings need wireless internet. You know, to take notes, use online thesaurus, speaker bios, etc.

--Elder Eyring strangely resembles someone famous—after racking my brain, the only name I could come up with is Bob Saget…I don't know. Another resemblance: D. Todd Christoferson looks like Glenn Beck’s long lost older brother. What Nick?!

That's all I have. Can't wait to see some of you in a couple of days.

Dude!

Don't be scared.

Offered Nirvana...then I rejected it.

So I decided to buy a fridge from Costco. When I bought it the cashier asked me something that every Tustison has hoped and aspired for. They invited me to join Costco with an Executive Membership. I thought I was receiving my calling and election made sure in that moment. But I did have to reject it. My experience at Costco is still in its developing stages and I needed more time to mature in that area. But the question is: How many of you have reached this quasi-Nirvana state?

Bulemia-is that how you spell it?

Oliver has started a new behavior. He sticks all of his fingers into his mouth at once, pushes them in as far as they can go, then starts to gag. He will do it over and over again, smiling in between. I can't watch him or I start to feel like I'm going to throw up. I hope it doesnt have anything to do with everyone telling him how BIG he is.

Christmas Names

As Nick so astutely reminded me last night, it is time to draw names for Christmas. So today at work I performed that ritual. Here are the results: Hopefully, no one got the same name as last years. If one is not satisfied, maybe one can switch with another.

Nick buys for Mayka
Kim buys for Jenn
Clint buys for Chad
Mayka buys for Samantha
Chad buys for Kim
Jenn buys for Clint
Samantha buys for Trevor
Mike buys for Nick
Trevor buys for Mike

Have Fun!!!!!!

Wrong Card - Wrong Place

We had our dinner group last night. It was prime rib night at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple and that doesn't happen very often - probably about every three months. So we all gathered there at 6:30. I went in and showed my recommend to the brother at the front desk. He looked at me with a puzzled expression. Then I noticed that it wasn't my recommend but my American Express card that I had shown. I was totally mortified!!!! Then the brother smiled and said, "That will be $2.50." Either I am using my card too often, or I'm not going to the temple often enough. We did sealings for the Hinckley family and then were headed back to get dressed. I was hanging back with Brother Leiber and his wife Mary Jean who was using a walker. All at once Mary Jean stopped and tooted really loud a half a dozen times. She said, "I guess I shouldn't have had the prime rib. " I looked at Wilf and started giggling. I could not stop. Dad gave me the evil eye but I still couldn't stop. I think the temple workers were glad to see me go.

Supermarket Sweep...and Mop

I came out of the budget development process relatively unscathed. I am, however, convinced that hell will consist of crunching numbers with So I Married an Axe Murderer running in the background on a continuous loop. Well, I know it’s been a while since I’ve put anything of substance on the blog. Actually, if I really think about it, I probably haven’t put anything of substance on here anyway. But between putting together the budget and coming to grips with Lance Bass’s latest declaration, I really haven’t had time to do much of anything.

That all changed last Saturday as Jenn and I found ourselves roaming through West San Antonio trying to find what we thought was the cannery. To give some background, Jenn signed us up in Relief Society for the Cannery. Unbeknownst to her at the time, it was really the Bishop’s storehouse. For all of you who have never volunteered at the Bishop’s Storehouse, it is your lucky day—I kept a running diary:

6:59 am -- Jenn wakes me up and says we have to leave in 15 minutes. At this point, I’m questioning this whole church welfare/service thing. Maybe a couple more hours of sleep will help me feel differently.

7:20 am -- We leave the house in search of the cannery/storehouse. We are supposed to arrive by 7:30 for orientation. Unfortunately, we haven’t yet been able to install the Neon with a GPS system. We may have to settle with one of those compass things that can go on the dashboard that old people drive around with.

7:40 am -- After turning into the wrong parking lot, we finally find the place. It becomes obvious at this point that we are not working at the cannery but in some sort of grocery store. I guess this would be fine except the thought of not wearing a hair net is strangely disappointing.

7:44 am -- Halfway through orientation, I realize that we bring down the average volunteer age to about 68. A tour highlighted a couple of things: The Bishop’s Storehouse is pretty basic, consisting of two aisles of food each about 25 feet long. Luckily, the store has about 83 shopping carts—you know, just in case. There is also a small office, bathroom, kitchen and a decent size warehouse in the back. Also, Janice Kapp Perry’s Greatest Hits is playing in the background. I wish I was joking.

7:50 am -- T-minus ten minutes before the doors officially open—the excitement is palpable. It’s like Supermarket Sweep meets Extreme Home Makeover. I feel like David Ruprecht is going to walk through the door any moment.

7:59 am -- Well, due to my massive muscular frame, I am quickly whisked to the warehouse where I find myself surrounded by 5 other high priests. Not even two minutes pass before some obscure comment I can’t even remember leads to all five laughing hysterically. One of them, who looks like Bob Barker’s little brother, seems to be the boss of the warehouse, as he gets to drive the fork lift everywhere. When I jokingly ask him if I can drive it, he simply responds “no” without even looking at me. Well, the good news is I only have exactly 4 hours and 15 minutes left.

8:22 am -- I have been working in the warehouse and am wondering how Jenn is faring. I’m thinking I should go see if she needs help in the store. Now I know how Trevor felt every Saturday morning.

8:32 am -- Two guys from the Elder’s Quorum presidency show up, probably the only guys I really talk to at church as they are my age and pretty laid back. As they come through the back door to the warehouse, one of them asks, “didn’t this start at 8:30?” Good one…

9:15 am -- After shrink wrapping 48 cases of toilet paper, I make my way over to the other side of the warehouse where everyone is standing around waiting for Bob’s little brother to lay down a crate from his fork lift. As we stand around the crate, ready to take the boxes and load it on the warehouse shelves, one of my cohorts (obviously referring to the box contents) jokingly asks out loud, “what the heck is a Kotex?” I felt like I was in sixth grade again and for the life of me, I could not stop giggling—of course this comment mostly drew disgusted stares from fellow unloaders. Anyway, we finished unloading about half of the boxes when one of the older women quickly scurries over and begins to gently berate us, telling us we are mixing up the regular size and super plus size. [Insert joke here]

10:05 am -- We finally get to take a break. Half of us make our way to the kitchen for some pancakes, sausage and fruit, all of which were made using in-house ingredients (thought you should know). Breakfast was going great until someone brought up politics and I think it was the HPG leader who starts going off on how the government is no longer run by the people, including City government. I tell him I work for the City and tell him that there are many opportunities to become involved if he really wants to change things. Sensing disbelief, I ask him if he had had the opportunity to go to a public budget hearing, as we did conduct 11 of them throughout the City and logged over 350 comments (and you would be surprised how many of them are addressed). He shrugs it off and says it wouldn’t make a difference anyway. Well, that’s the spirit. You just gotta love political activism…

Breakfast ended with the following exchange:

Woman: So do you think Hillary has a chance for President?

HPGL: A monkey could do as good as her.

Woman: Don’t insult the monkey.

Ahh…can you feel the love yet?

10:28 am -- My task: Cleaning out the produce truck. With mop and bucket at my disposal, I was strangely reminded of my old custodial job at the bean museum—which reminds me of the time Elder Packer and his 2-man entourage tried to come through the front door while I was vacuuming. To make a long story short, I opened the locked door (still not realizing who it was), kindly told him that museum didn’t open until 9:30 and he would have to come back later. Of course, he had to name-drop his son, who worked there as a curator and I promptly let him in. Come to think of it, I should have name-dropped Grandma and Grandpa—after all they were the Honeyville parade grand masters—he may have autographed my belt clip.

10:53 am -- Due to heavy cart traffic in the store area, I am asked to assist loading a cart for a customer. Eager to help, I saunter out of the warehouse and am slightly disappointed that the customer isn’t there for me to help—I am to collect the food on the list with the help of one of the regulars, whose bubbly singles ward attitude is sadly refreshing (of course, this follows my stint at the geriatrics convention in the warehouse).

11:05 am -- We are only about halfway through with the grocery list and I can tell the girl I am working with is clearly becoming frustrated with my inability to 1. find the item on the list in a timely manner and 2. read her mind—see, even though this was my first time, I was too stupid to not have memorized where everything was when I first walked in.

Just a side note—I later mentioned this to Jenn and she said that this lady actually asked/told her, “you’re husband doesn’t do much grocery shopping, does he”?

11:26 am -- After shopping with Martha Stewart’s younger sister, I was told that the meat in the freezer needed to be restocked. EQ guy #1 and I were tasked with doing this overwhelmingly cold task. At first we tried to brave the freezer room without the coats (there were some outside) but after a couple of minutes, my hands went colder than Team USA against Greece in the Semifinal basketball championship game—well, lucky for us there were some jackets right outside the freezer room. And these weren’t your normal everyday windbreakers—no, they were straight out of the 90’s…and 80’s…and probably the 70’s. In fact, when EQ guy #1 put on a jean jacket reminiscent of Clint’s jacket with the aqua inside liner, I even made the obligatory, “Hey, George Michael just came in, he wants his jacket back” joke. It’s almost as good as the “that looks like a weapon out of Braveheart” routine (ask Trevor).

11:33 am -- We’re still stocking the freezer while taking 30 second breaks every couple of minutes (yes, it’s that cold). After a while, one of the regulars comes by the front glass doors and the following exchange occurred:

Regular worker: Hey, can you guys take out this roast out of the bin; it has a rip in it.

Me: Sure, no problem.

Regular worker: Yeah, it probably got cut into when we were unloading the meat out of the boxes a couple of days ago…But after we’re done here you can take it home with you.

Me & EQ guy #1: uhhhhh…..(exchanging confused looks)

12:05 pm -- Well, our service for the day is capped off by some parting words, a closing prayer and tearful goodbyes (without the tears). I must say this was almost as good as working in grape fields eating sticky watermelon and dirt. Maybe next time we’ll be in the cannery, and I’ll finally be able to wear that hair net. Until next time...

test scores

hey everyone-
for those of you who wanted to know...i passed my TExES exam. i scored a 281/300 (i needed a 260 to pass) yea. now i need to start studying for the esl one.

Dilemma

We have a dilemma and perhaps we can get some input from all of you that have much more creative and discerning minds that I or your Dad . The people that are doing our bathroom are going to do our front door. Instead of getting a whole new door, it would be much cheaper to just paint the door. And they do that all the time - we just have to pick the color. My dilemma: do we go conservative with your basic brownish color and do we want to paint it a completely wild color i.e. green, red, blue, etc. Please feel free to offer an opinion. BTW - the office color is going to be sage green and the bathroom color will be tan/gold. What do you think?

August Updates

A Mastercard Experience

Tickets to AND1=$60
A new polo shirt, jeans, and a pair of shoes=$80
4 songs off itunes=$4
A 60 gb ipod=$364
$334 of that NOT going to FICA taxes=priceless

To All Those Older Siblings Out There

First of all, Samantha, I must apologize for not responding to your blog. I love seeing pictures of Oliver and all, but what am I supposed to say after the third or fourth blog of Oliver’s pictures. I guess I could write how mom becomes increasingly more obvious about me staying in SLC every time they see pics of the famn damily, but then again, I don’t think it would be wise to let mom know that I have been noticing. It is nice to be ignorant of some things. “Yeah, so I was thinking of transferring to an out-of-state school next semester…What? Yeah, sure I could use some things at Costco…A new car? I guess it would help out.” See what I mean?

Well, about two weeks ago, we finally finished interviewing potential employees, and I am forever grateful for so many reasons. First reason is that I am on the other side of the table, so then I don’t have to think of the lamest and most obvious answers there are. Have you ever noticed that there are some questions that have just obvious answers? “Could you keep doing the right thing even if someone on the crew isn’t?” If by chance there was someone who pulled the idiotic stunt of answering that in the negative, how were they smart enough to even find the building? The second reason I am glad is that it is over. During the interviews, though, I saw different types of people that makes life interesting.

First person is the, my-brother-worked-here-before-so-I-don’t-have-to-wear-decent-clothes interviewee. This was actually the first person that came in the interview. This guy is Mason Curran’s little brother and he actually knows the Tustison’s in Ione. He showed up at the interview in beat up cargo shorts and an old white t-shirt. This kind of surprised me. It made me think of all the standards we had as kids growing up. I can always recall overdressing for the situation being standard in our household. This actually made me look quite a bit awkward being with “friends” here in SLC because I was counseled to where about five layers of clothes when I went ice skating. This made me look only second to Fui Vakapuna in size. Or maybe dressing in my Sunday best for an interview for a volunteer spot at the chamber of commerce was the highlight. Whatever it was, this guy didn’t even fall on the line of that counsel.

Another type of person I say there was someone who still didn’t progress to becoming a teacher. This was evident by his off-white, picked-up-off-the-floor white shirt, and his super skinny tie that he wore. He was a freshman, however, and it was kind of nice not to hear the same, “I would be good at this job because in my mission…” speech. Which leads me to the third type…

“Have you ever dealt with an angry customer before?” was one of the questions that we continued to ask. It was guaranteed that if they served a mission, they would mention how during that time, they learned the best way to deal with blah, blah, blah. I know the mission was important and all, but were you completely anti-social growing up? Did you ever speak with anyone else? Did you not learn anything before those two years or were you in the corner with the cone-shaped hat on? Think of something original. Which kind of reminds me of sacrament meeting in the fact that these r.m.’s give talks using examples from the mission to describe basic gospel principles. Get over it.

One of the last people that we had to interview was a brother of one of the assistant’s. He showed up in a suit, brought every single award, academic and non-academic, to show us. He even passed out his ACT score. Thanks, buddy. I asked the assistant afterwards if he told his brother anything about the job, and he simply said “No, but hey, all is fair in love and war.” Great, I thought, but considering he’ll get the job anyway, that isn’t exactly fair. We were planning on giving him the job, but after the assistant finally got a hold of him after about a week of trying (remember, this is his little brother), the little bro decided not to take it. Whaaat! Don’t older brothers (and sisters for that matter) keep their younger siblings in line anymore? From licking feet to calling them master followed by their first name, my life was a continual example of submissiveness. But through this, I learned the important things in life, such as who to take for certain classes (and getting the preferential treatment from those teacher due to the outstanding record of that sibling), why I shouldn’t wear a white shirt to church, that your brother isn’t your brother when he is around his friends, and that the JSB shouldn’t be renamed the JissBox, to name a few. I thank all of you out there for your help. I’ll even give all the in-laws out there props for their continued help in shaping my life. Good night and Good luck.

No Pain, No Gain

First, Look at that hair, it blends into the carpet.

Oliver officially started crawling yesterday. Today he has recieved his first battle wound. He fell face first on the corner of the little black cable box. Let's take a closer look at his bruised face
Here he is getting into more trouble
Already heading for the cupboard under the sink
A close up
Trying not to smile
Dazed & Confused
Another close-up
But in the end, he'll live (as mom would say)

Gird up your loins - Reunion Tidbits

I wish I could be clever and creative here, but I am sorely lacking in that department. In fact, when Trevor asked if I had read his "Open Defiance" blog and had read Nick's comment. And wasn't it a really funny comment? I asked him about my comment, and he said that I was there for moral support. How lame is that.......... Anyway, your Dad and I put on a great reunion. It went off without a hitch and everyone participated. We picked up my Mom and Dad in Honeyville on the way. We found a place to put all their stuff in my truck and the wheelchair we piled on top. Dad was in his jeep. We had people guess how many hot tamales, starbursts, dum dums, taffy, Sees candies and laffy taffy. Then we had pictures of Utah towns taped on the walls and they had to guess them. We also had a table where we had put colored T-shirts for the kids to decorate - 25 of them. That night, we had a "Honor Mom and Dad" night where all the families did a little remembrance for them. After a dessert of bannana splits with 14 different kinds of ice cream, we played Nicholas Family Bingo. We used gourmet jelly beans for the markers. That was a hit. The prizes were Zions Bank stuff and drug rep stuff that we had been collecting. Fun!!! We slept in the corner of the lodge with Mom and Dad and Nancy and Chaetun and Xadun. I am glad it was only one nignt. After breakfast we had field manuevers with my sisiters as captains. Each team had to perform 10 skills. Dart blowing, paper airplane toss, jump rope, croquet racae, Sudoku, Crossword puzzle, jigsaw puzzle, frisbee throw thru hula hoop, jacks, and twinkie eating. It was hilarious. It was my job to check their mouths to make sure they had swallowed. ICK. It was a lot of fun. I am sure you would have been there if you could. At least I am hopeful you would.

Emerging From the Proverbial Social Closet (with Machine Guns Afire)

Okay, so by now you probably know that we have moved to a different ward and have been in our current ward for a few months. Fortunately for me, but unfortunately for Kim, we have maintained relative anonymity despite Kim's best efforts at socialization. That was until the brouhaha that erupted yesterday during Priesthood and continued after the meeting formally closed. However, before I describe the verbal jousting (on the Sabbath, no less), I must preface it with a description of my mental state just having finished Sunday School. I noticed at the beginning of Sunday School that the instructor had carried a book to the lectern that I immediately recognized. What was interesting was that this book concerns the history of polygamy from Joseph Smith to the current fundamentalists in Colorado City --- nothing whatsoever to do with the Northern/Southern Kingdom split during King Rehoboam's reign. She used the polygamy book for an extremely odd tangential commentary regarding the politics of pre-Manifesto Mormonism. Essentially George Q. Cannon was shopping the Mormon-bloc vote to both the Republicans and Democrats trying to acquire a favorable position for acquiring Utah statehood. Anyway, that's another topic but somehow she forced it into the lesson. After her lesson, I asked her if she liked the book. She said that it made her mad (I have to follow-up that comment) and that her husband, the first counselor, was the one who likes to read that stuff. Fortunately, her husband was nearby and we had a long talk. In fact, they want us to come over for dinner sometime. That should leave the score Nick: 1 and Kim: 0 for getting a dinner invitation in the new ward.

Unfortunately I was left in a conversational state for Priesthood meeting as opposed to my usual leave-me-alone-I'm-sitting-in-the-back-corner state. The lesson concerned the Word of Wisdom (WoW) from the Gospel Principles manual. We have many new converts so we don't use the Wilford Woodruff manual. It so happens, as it typically does when discussing the WoW, that the instructor, who was the EQP, used the WoW to illustrate the incredible prophetic foresight of Joseph Smith. The implicit argument is that Joseph Smith must be a valid prophet because nobody could have predicted the harmful effects of those items proscribed by the WoW. I normally would have let this go but, remember my current state, I said something like "Actually, those items that are outlined in the Word of Wisdom were all part of the contemporary medical debate. Much of this is covered in Paul H. Peterson's BYU master's thesis, for those of you that might be interested. For example, D & C 89 discusses 'hot drinks' which are currently interpreted as being coffee and tea. However, these two items were not exhaustive as the contemporary debate concerned the actual temperature of the beverage. Assuming that he formulated this revelation free from any environmental context, which would demonstrate incredible prophetic abilities, does not accord with the evidence." After I said that, some guy from the back corner said, somewhat sardonically, "Well, did they have conspiring men back then?" I thought to myself, "What are you talking about? I said absolutely nothing about 'conspiring men'." Anyway, more about him later. I understand that what I said sounds terribly pretentious which is why I usually refrain from saying anything at all. After the class, I approached the EQP and said that I hope I didn't sound too contrarian, which wasn't my intent but rather to correct an assumption all too often repeated when discussing the Word of Wisdom. That's when Br. "Conspiring Men" approached me. I realize now that I should have kept quiet since discussions with individuals that aren't familiar with the history are fruitless. He thought I was attacking Joseph Smith. I conceded that while D&C 89 is inspired (I never said otherwise), the typical arguments proposed in church concerning the WoW are historically naive. Fortunately, Aiden's running through the chapel bailed me out of the conversation. I'm sure I'll get cornered in two weeks when we go again. At least I'll be out of the running for a future teacher position.

Addendum: I forgot to mention that I was also asked to say the opening prayer. When the second counselor asked me and I agreed, Kim turned to me when he left and warned "You better say more than one phrase. I want at least one 'We thank thee...' and one 'We ask thee...'" Don't worry --- I obliged, albeit minimally.

Boogie Boarding

Last week we went to Chorpus Christi. It is only 2 hours away. We went to a beach that was at a state park. There was hardly anyone there and we were able to drive our car right up to the beach. The water was super warm and nice. We all enjoyed it very much.

Open Defiance

I guess it must be my turn to save the blogger from “tustizone” extinction. Granted, our family has never really been a huge magnet for soccer games (except, of course, for the tickets that dad will get for the Real Salt Lake v. Real Madrid game. I have complete trust in you, dad.), but I believe when it really counts, we have a tendency to be well-informed of the sporting events. So with that I will say...

I was in open defiance today. This Sunday, I was caught in a predicament. Should I go to church, which starts at 1:30 or stay home to watch the world cup soccer game between Italy and France which started at 12:00 mst? Well, after a total thought process of 5 seconds, I decided to stay home from at least Priesthood (which is first) meeting to watch the game. I was extremely happy at the fact though, that the game not only went into overtime but also penalty kicks. J/K (no, but seriously). So I not only missed priesthood, but half of Sunday school. Of course, walking into church, I notice we weren’t the only ones to decided to stay home, so I felt a little better (not that I felt any worse for having stayed home); and for those who did go to church, it was very obvious that we were the envy of the ward. I know the pads must be a little disappointed in me, so let me just say that in priesthood they spoke on writing in ones journal (which is about as exciting as not) and in Sunday school, which I missed the half of, they spoke on tithing, of which I paid right after sacrament. I also consider this as making even all the times the bishopric made us stay after church 5-15 minutes every single Sunday, due to their own soapbox speeches, or their inability to tell the 5 other people in line for testimonies that they can’t give theirs due to time constraints. So everything was made just fine today, except of course the resulting win in the final game of the world cup.

First, I must say that I am a bit upset that Italy won. It goes against everything that history has stated as truth. The allies are supposed to win and not those of the Axis powers, and if anyone had won, it should have been Germany, who had the guts to go up against real nations during the second world war II, as opposed to Mussolini and his forces against the Ethiopian nation. But then again, France was down so fast in the war that it is pointless to see them as an ally. Also, as far as a gospel standpoint goes, Germany should have taken it all, especially against Italy. Germany, who has more church members than Italy, should have won it hands down. I guess that goes to show the lack of faith on the German side. Of course, if results prove the faith of members, Real Salt Lake should be playing in some of the European leagues, and the united states should have at least made it past the group play.

Oh well, I just cant wait until World Cup 2010 in South Africa. I sure hope there is more Sunday play.

Interesting Weekend

Friday night we had a family dinner to go to. Janis Cook was marrying on the morrow and Ellen and Boyd were throwing a shindig at the Honeyville Church. It was to begin at 6:00 p.m. Dad was marrying Janis and Rusty and he was scheduled to meet with them after the dinner. We start out at about 4:45. We knew we were going to hit traffic but there wasn't anything we could do about it. We hear on the radio that the traffic is slow go because of two accidents on the Freeway and also because it is Friday night - in the middle of rush hour. So we decide to go by way of Beck Street. Bad idea. So did everyone else. It took us one hour to get from our house to North Salt Lake. So we thought, "this is ridiculous. We will never make it." So we turn around at the next exit and head for home. Meanwhile I call up there to let them know. No one answered on Ellen's phone so I called Nancy. She said she would have Ellen call us (Nancy was enroute and almost to Honeyville.) Ellen calls and we explain our predicament. "No problem, " she declares. She puts Janis on the phone and I proceed to tell her that Uncle Jim will meet with her and Rusty at 12:00 noon to go over the paperwork. She replies, "What paperwork?" "Well, the marriage license." She says, "What marriage license?" Then I hear Ellen say in a loud voice, "You didn't get a marriage license??????" Then the phone went dead. I couldn't get anybody.....Anne, Carole, Ellen or Nancy. We didn't know what was going on. Here it was after 6:00 on a Friday afternoon and no marriage license. Finally after a couple of hours Boyd called and said after much finagling and such, they got one. Ellen, as mayor of Honeyville called in her favors. The County Clerk is a good friend of hers. Boyd drug Rusty and Janis down to Brigham City where he forked over the $50 for the license because they didn't have any money. Janis's reply was, "Nobody told me you had to have a marriage license!" Everyone was laughing about it on Saturday, but not on Friday. We thought it was a blessing in disguise that was had got stuck in traffic, because had we not called, it would have been after 9:00 on Friday. Crazy....

Saturday we took off to the wedding. We stopped at the Layton Mall so dad could get a new tie and I could pick up a couple of things at Deseret Book. I noticed that the lining in my dress was sagging. I tried to pin it to no avail. So Dad said he would buy me a new outfit between the meeting with Janis and the wedding. We head over to Logan and I try on several dresses at Dillards. We get one. Then we run over to Famous Footwear and I get new shoes. Then I took everything in the bathroom and changed clothes. Then I had to come out in the mall where Dad cut off the tags and clipped the hem in the back of the dress. Then on the way out, I stopped at Penney's and bought a new purse to match. We made it back in time for Dad to do a bang up job marrying them. We made it back home at about 9:30 last night. I was so tired - but I looked good. (Of course, Dad accused me of sabotaging my own dress lining - hey I am not stupid).

I love the NBA

So being all alone with nothing to do except watch TV, I decided to use the time to watch the NBA Finals. (It was either that or the UFC reality TV show. I decided on basketball. Sorry, Nick. Although I did watch one episode. And now they're doing a segment about it on The O'Reilly Factor.)

Since the finals came to an end yesterday, I decided to list some of my observations. Keep in mind that most of these come from the last three games.

1.) Things you don't hear every day from the commentators:

1. "Walker with a good play! Walker's really been hurting Dallas."
   
2. Talking about Wade: "He's humble and he has humility."
   
3. After he makes his first shot of the game: "Posey's been hot tonight."
   
4. After Shaq has been hogging the championship trophy all night, Dan Patrick finally asks him, "So, are you going to sleep with that tonight?"
   

2.) Who says NBA players (and coaches) aren't eloquent?

1. According to Shaq: "I want to win the championship for Riley, Big 'Zo (Mourning), GP (Payton), oh yeah, and Flash (Wade). He deserves it." What? If it wasn't for Wade, the Heat would be in contention for the top pick in the NBA draft.
2. Gary Payton post-game interview: Interviewer: "How does it feel winning after losing two straight?" Payton: "Didn't nobody think we was gonna do dat."
   
3. Dan Patrick: "What do have to say about taking over as coach?" Riley: "Well, it seems like 5 years ago." Then, without answering the question... But I do want to say this, These guys are the greatest and they deserve it... Oh, yeah, San Dimas High School Football Rules!"
   

3.) I love player bios.

1. Did you know that Nowitski is from Germany and likes David Hasselhoff? They only talked about every timeout of every game.
   
2. Did you know that Marquis Daniels has an entire Bible verse from Psalms tattooed on his chest? Where do these announcers get this information?
   

4.) As if watching just the game wasn't bad enough...

1. How many times do they have to show Shaq's dad in the crowd?
   
2. Can I say I already hate the show The Nine? How many times can you watch the previews before you want to eat your own barf?
   
3. Superman trailers comparing Shaq to Superman? That's like comparing Steven Segal to Chuck Norris.
   

5.) Final feelings...

1. Man, Gary Payton is really good...at sucking it up. The Glove? Come on, more like the Mitten. I bet Karl Malone is pissed.
   
2. Does Shaq have an inferiority complex or what? When David Stern was trying to give Wade the MVP trophy, Shaq kept trying to grab it away from him. Dude, get over it. Mourning and Dampier did better than you. You had like 9 points in the final game! You and Payton should go hang out.
   
3. And finally....Why do I feel embarrassed every time Van Horn gets in the game?
   

School and Drool

Hey everyone... for those of you who are interested, I am officially enrolled in the ACT Teaching program here in San Antonio. My institute (not religion, that's just what they call it) classes start on Sept. 28 and go till the middle of November. The classes are 4 nights a week and saturdays. I have a review session in July for my TeXes Exams, which I have to pass before I can apply for any jobs. The nice thing is that once I pass that, since I am enrolled in the program, I could technically get a teaching job for this coming school year. However, as that is a little soon, I am planning on getting a teaching job for January. Plus, I need time to take my ESL TeXes exam on top of the EC-4 generalist. (I am much more employable being ESL certified) And for all of you who are thinking, wait, does she know spanish?, you don't have to know spanish to teach ESL classes. Plus for those of you who don't remember I already have taught an ESL class in Orem, so I'm pretty much an expert. I know this isnt as prestigious as medical school and I guess "technically" the TeXes exam may not be as difficult as the MCAT, but I'm excited nonetheless. Anyway, it's weird to think that I'll be a real teacher in less than a year. And now for some cute pictures of Oliver:

this ones for his modeling portfolio

Here, he is doing his constipation face

And this ones just a playful candid shot

Oh...and something cool. Yesterday we were at Chad and Jenns and he pulled himself up to a standing position while holding on to their ottoman. First time! Chad must bring it out in him.

Tastes Great...Less Filling

Before you read any further, make sure you read Trevor’s latest entry, it's a doozy. (blog etiquette and all…)

We had only been to church twice before I got a call last Tuesday to give the lesson in Elder’s quorum for this past Sunday. I thought I had done everything right, including:

1. Arrived the first Sunday 10 minutes late

2. Introduced myself without mentioning BYU or my mission

3. Wore a brown shirt, then a blue shirt

4. Left the top button undone

Nick, without going the way of sandals, what else could I have done? You should seriously consider opening up your own consulting service, maybe a musical collaboration with John Bytheway....

Anyway, while my lesson went well on Sunday (not as good as Cint, mind you), that isn’t what this snippet is about: I am truly wondering what the majority of the women in the family feel about some anecdotal evidence or the recurring motif that I have encountered during my short 27 years as a church meeting attender. I am specifically referring to those Sundays known as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. The general observation to which I refer is how women receive flowers, either carnation or potted, and the men receive some sort of bite-sized morsel; a candy bar, cookies, etc.

Frankly, I think giving things out during the aforementioned days are highly overrated. But it seems as though if I were a woman, I would be extremely jealous of the guys. In both of the wards we have been in here in Texas, they have given Snickers and (2) chewy white chocolate and macadamia nut cookies, respectively, to the guys and carnations to the women. I would be absolutely outraged. But of course, I am no woman so I may be way off base here.

Maybe they should just give out pass-a-long cards, or breath mints.

By the way, this is a rhetorical question of sorts, so don’t feel compelled to answer.

The Horse-Rider Steals the Show

Well, I know you are all interested to know how the AND 1 event was so that you can hurry up and ask for a refund on those tickets, so tonight, being Sunday, I have decided to do just that. I must inform you how it was to be with the entire black population of Utah at the E Center in West Valley City. I believe, however, that this would be of the greatest advantage if I did this chronologically. So, here it goes.

2 weeks previous: I find myself torn between buying the tickets to AND 1 or simply spending the money on food, books, and exercise equipment that I will use for a total of two weeks before realizing that my body is practically perfect anyway. However, through the insistence by one of my coworkers, I decide to “jump out on a limb” and buy the tickets with the idea of taking someone that would also enjoy themselves at the NAACP convention of Utah.

1 week previous: I frequently hear the constant nagging by my coworkers asking who I am going to take to the venue. My reply, “Get off my back!! Alright? I’ll find someone.”

1 day previous: I am talking to Marlae and one of my coworkers slips it out that I will be attending the event aforementioned and she inquires as to what it involves. So I find myself showing my boss (during work hours!) videos of AND 1 that are posted on google video. Still without any idea as to who to take.

About 10 hours before the start: I decide to ask one girl from work that turned out to be my default. However, that idea crashed and she had made previous arrangements. (I find out a couple of hours from the girl herself that she had been hinting that she had wanted to go forever and I just wasn’t picking up on the idea. Go figure!)

6 hours and dwindling: Well, as sad and embarrassing as this is, I call up a mission buddy (no, not Heidi Pappenfuss, Chad!) and I decide to invite him. (Feel free to unload the jokes. I’ve brought them on myself.)

Tip-off: My expectations were exactly what I had seen on the AND 1 episodes; sic ball handling skills, awesome dunks, opponents being made to look stupid, etc. Who can’t be pumped up for that? I was going to be able to see legends such as Hot Sauce, Air Up There, ½ Man ½ Amazing, the Professor, etc. I was only waiting for the first juke so that I could jump up and start boxing out my posse I was with in celebration of the move. I am, however, disappointed with the turn out. Only about 15% of the seats are filled out of the whole stadium.

10 minutes into the first half (there are 25 min. halves): Well, so far I have seen an unnamed black guy on the opposing team pull the head-band over the Professor’s eyes, the opposing team do some awesome alleyoops (is that how you spell it) and stay in the lead over the AND 1 team. Great, but isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Nice jump shot Main Event. Maybe next time you should make it. AO, I must say that was an awesome pass through four opposing players to an unexpecting Air Up There in the key. And what is the deal with the announcer, appareled in AND 1 apparel and an afro, roaming the floor of the court speaking so close into the microphone so that the only thing anyone can understand from him is the name of the players. Yeah; thanks.

20 minutes into the first half: Is that Jermaine Odjegba, my freshman BYU roommate playing for the SLC team? No, I don’t think so. Sometimes I just confuse all the black people. Don’t worry; I can say that. I have black friends. And why all the jump shots!!! How noble you are Baby Shack for taking a shot just above the free throw line and missing it! No, not really. I didn’t pay for you to win the game, I paid for you to dunk the ball, hang on the rim, and swing your crotch into the opponents face to make him look even more like the church basketball ringer that he is.

23 minutes into the first half: Finally!!! Sweet dunk by the Air Up There. On a fast break on the little coyotes basketball court, A.U.T. goes up for the dunk, reverses to face opposite of the rim, lifts the legs to be horizontal, pumps the ball between ‘em and brings it back to dunk it. The crowd is going crazy. BOX-OUT! BOX-OUT!

Half-Time: Throughout the whole first half, there is hip-hop and rap going on through the speakers so the 20 min. half time is no exception. They make an introduction. It is none other than SNL’s Kenan Thompson, a.k.a. “knucklepuck” from Mighty Ducks. “…and who do you think it was? Emilio Estevez, the Mighty Ducks man…” While there is some hip-hop going on, they bring on some girl rapper with blond bangs and dark brown hair in the back, making it appear as if she’s imitating George Castanza’s hairstyle. During the great rap performance (more or less…waayyy less), I look over on the other side of the court in the bleachers and see about five guys (one of ‘em black) around my age and a girl on one end of the group; obviously the girlfriend of the guy closer to her. They all seem to be moving to the beat pretty well. One of ‘em even has a beer in his hand, trying to balance himself and the beer at the same time. However, the girl on the end tries to “get jiggy wit’ it” but unfortunately she is doing just the opposite. She looks like she is doing a mix between pumping water out of a well and riding a horse. That became the highlight of the night.

15 minutes into the second half: On the sideline opposite of me, about 20-30 black people and wiggers start having a huge dance party/mosh pit. Some of the AND 1 players join in and the cameras divert their attention from the basketball game to the dance going on. My thoughts: What are you doing?! You’re going to miss the missed jump shots and the elementary school passes and not be able to put them on your AND 1 Mixed Taped Tour vol. 9. Oh well. The dance party lasts about three minutes before a Tongan jumps over the two foot barrier and starts having a dancing seizure for the camera. Two rows in front of me a four-hundred pound tongan tries to keep rhythm to the song “It’s goin’ down” by nearly taking the bolts from the foot of the seats and whipping a towel so much he continues to hit the innocent white guy in front of him.

20 minutes into the second half: The speakers are blasting Lil’ John’s recent hit “Snap Yo’ Fingas” and the girl on the other side continues into her handicapped rhythm by snapping her fingers at the wrong moments and doing a sad (sooo sad) imitation of the moves on Lil’ John’s music video by twitching and playing the air drums.

With 15 seconds winding down: The girl is in her retarded phase, the overweight tongan is seriously pushing his limits on the chair he is sitting on, the AND 1 cheerleaders have nothing to do except flirt with the on-court announcer and “knucklepuck” in their not-worthy-of-a-church-dance attire, and AO currently has the ball. He’s baseline, dribbling, then…he grabs the back of the shirt of his defender, pulls it over his head, throws the ball and hits the defenders jersey-covered head and it bounces back. With ten seconds left, AO grabs the ball, chucks the ball in the air and begins stripping mid-court. He starts chucking everything into the stands and then runs off into the tunnel in nothing but his boxers and socks.

Leaving the event: I would love to say that was the end of the event, but it wouldn’t put the polish on an event in WVC without the typical high school fight between mid-20 year olds. Right outside our portal, two guys start fighting with their hick girlfriends trying to get involved in it also. That became the crowd-pleaser of the night.

It is the year 2003, and I am in the break room watching an AND 1 episode on ESPN. Chad walks in, and after watching for a total of 15 seconds, he says “Dude, I can beat ‘em. It’s not like they would be any good if they had to abide by normal basketball rules.” I doubted it and expressed it. To this day I am sure that Chad will continue with that statement. However, this time, I must say that I will have to agree with Chad. Their defense consisted of super hard fouls, reaching in and trying to hit the ball close-fisted, and poor passes. The classic Chad-to-Clint church basketball combination probably rivals anything they did that night.

So that was it. I must say that I was disappointed with the whole game. The turnout, although appearing to lack in support, really wasn’t that big of a deal considering that in the AND 1 videos they always seemed to be playing in High School gymnasiums. The tricks and jukes were lacking. The passing was about as sweet as not and even now, when I think about it, my attention is diverted to the water pumping girl jockey on the other side of the court.

Grace & I had a wonderful time in Mexico. It almost seems like a dream at this point. I would love to go back..... Here are some pictures

Tekken

Instead of sending out a mass email, I decided to post a link to this video of my favorite video game. Did I ever tell you about the conference I went to in Quebec and this French-speaking dude wanted to play me in Tekken? As soon as I picked Eddy, he should've know it was over.

The Flight From Hell

I know I shouldn't use that vernacular, but believe me, it was. I had a wonderful trip back to Maryland and Philadelphia. I loved seeing everyone back there. Playing with the grandkids was great. Mayka and the boys dropped me off at the Baltimore airport at 3:30. I boarded the plane at 5:30 Baltimore time. I was supposed to sit on the aisle but they screwed that up and I ended up in the middle. Okay.........I can deal with that. The girl by the window chomped her gums so loud I wanted to smack her. She put new gum in her mouth every 15 minutes and wrapped the old stuff in a wrapper and stuck it in her pocket. She did this the whole trip. The guy on the aisle kept moving his knees back and forth in a nervous matter. I wanted to grip his leg and yell, "Stop it!!!!" But I didn't think it would be appropriate and might have been perceived as racist. So we departed. The family in front of me consisted of a mom, dad and twin little girls - about 2 years old. As soon as we got in the air, they started screaming. They didn't stop. I had on my ipod and still couldn't drown out the noise. Everyone was holding their heads. Then one of the little girls pooed her pants and got it all over the seat. The smell was horrendous and wafted through the cabin. Finally the captain comes on and says, "We can't land in Denver yet because they are having microbursts. " So we circled for quite awhile and then ran out of fuel. So we were diverted to Colorado Springs. We were the 20th plane in line for fuel, so we sat in the plane on the tarmac for two hours without any food or water. Another baby joined in the chorus. We finally got on our way to Denver at 10:30. My connecting flight from Denver was supposed to be at 10:05. Obviously, I have missed it. We were beginning our descent into Denver when all at once we heard the flight attendant say in a loud voice, "Ma'am, we are landing. Please sit down." Everyone looks backwards, and down the aisle from the bathroom comes a little old lady with a cane. The turbulence was quite pronounced. She finally found her seat up close to the front. The absurdity of the whole thing made me burst out laughing. I think it was a nervous laugh - because I was getting just a little shaky. We landed in Denver where I found my flight had closed. But I found a service rep who said "no, it's not" and I was able to board. I landed in Salt Lake City at 1:00 where Dad was able to pick me up. Meanwhile, they didn't get my luggage on board in Denver, thus I didn't have my luggage. But when I got home from work. it was here. So needless to say, it was quite the adventure. I am glad that I went and glad to be home.

Chad's 15 Minutes

Did anybody else see the most recent episode of Fox's So You Think You Can Dance? After each dancer received the thumbs-up or thumbs-down for inclusion in the top 10 from the judges, they returned to the other awaiting dancers to reveal the good or bad news. Anyway, one tall, lanky guy emerged from behind the curtain and said in a dejected tone "Well, I don't know what the judges are looking for ..." followed by an arrogant grab of the front of his shirt and continued, smiling, "but I guess they we're looking for me." Mayka and I looked at each other and thought "What is Chad doing on TV?"

Ode to a Medical Records Specialist

I had to get a tenanus shot on Friday because I was too "into" my profession and stabbed myself with a foam clip. Then I was showing a couple of people how I did it, and did it again. Thus my shot. We have an ice cream social tonight and I am in charge of background music. I got out some of our old CDs and Dad insisted on listening to " My Ding-a-Ling" I do not think that it will be appropriate. The birds keep building nests in my wreath on the front door and I have had to yank them out and destroy them. Ick!!!!! I am excited about going back east tomorrow. Dad's job while I am gone is to post a blog and pictures about Cancun - also putting in a new tub.

The Life of a Younger Brother

My life has been a series of huge ups and downs for me as of lately, and I thought each of you would like to know about these acontecimientos.

About 1-2 weeks ago, I found out that the Assistant job over equipment here at CMS was given to someone else with less experience and time as me. It was a huge blow to me because I thought that I was doing an excellent job working there. So with some egging on by the pads and other siblings, I decided to talk with Marlae (my boss) concerning her choice in Assistant. (Despite my record for having a short temper, I was very professional and diplomatic about it). I recounted to her my record at CMS (by showing that I had by far more experience that the newly appointed assistant-in-training. Well, she told me that they needed someone who had the hours available to dedicate to learning those responsibilities and due to the fact that I was working and going to school, they went with someone else. Well, due to spring semester confusion concerning the price of going to school, I decided to refrain from taking classes for Spring and Summer. So, in the end I have been stuck working only part-time while filling in for available shifts for other CMS employees. Well, that surprised her when I told her I didn’t have classes, but did not change the appointment. Well, today Marlae called me into her office and told me that Heather, the assistant over the employees, will be leaving come July and they asked me to take her spot. Of course, I humbly accepted the position. This basically means that I will be in charge of employee schedules and other junk (who knows what, though). But I am very excited and thrilled over this opportunity and I thought I would let all of you know about it.

Also, not really to celebrate, but for my own diversion, I decided to buy tickets to a very special basketball game by the name of AND 1. They are coming to SLC on June 15, and I bought two tickets and I am in the second row. They were somewhat expensive but, hey!, it’s AND 1. When will this ever happen again? For all the sibs, I checked out if they are coming close to you all, and they are going to be in San Antonio on June 25^th at the AT&T center while in Philadelphia, they won’t arrive until August 19^th at the Wachovia Center. Better get ‘em quick. Man, it sure is great not to be married…yet.

Big Boring Blog

Hey everyone, we are officially Texans now, and more importantly no longer Utahns…no offense to those still living there. As Chad would say, “I’d take a bullet for the place, but…” We drove straight through starting Saturday night and arrived at Chads’ Sunday night. It took about 26 hours in all which isn’t so bad. We passed right next to the border of Mexico (at El Paso) and were stopped to make sure we were citizens. That was about the most exciting part of our trip, unless you count the times we watched The Wiggles and VeggieTales to calm Oliver down. They’re not half bad.
Note: El Paso is officially the ugliest city I have ever seen in my life.

Anyway…we found an apartment that is a pretty good deal. It is litteraly right around the corner from Mikes work. When we went in to visit’s Mikes new store we were told by someone to stear clear of the apartments around the store and were pointed to some farther away. So, we went to the apartments that were recommended. After we were told that the smallest one bedroom started at $850 plus all utilities we knew we were in the wrong place. The lady tried to change our minds by telling us about the free maid service once a month and complimentary door step trash pick up. Yea like that's worth an extra $300. So we went back to the apartments around the store and found that they were actually better than what we were used to. People are so funny about their expectations for apartments. Anyway, we’re paying about half as the other place plus we get a washer and dryer. Awesome!

Mikes new store seems good. The store manager is a clone of Karen Davis for those of you who remember her. Everyone seems nice and pretty laid back. The down side to that is the store is pretty disorganized and needs some work. That's where Mike comes in.

So we can’t move in till Tuesday and Mike has now started work so I am left at Chad and Jenn’s by myself, (well with Oliver), but they have cable, which I’m not used to and also internet, which I’m also not used to. So this blog is just more of a way to fill up my time than anything else. Hence, the reason its not very funny or interesting. But what are you gonna do?

Gloria would have been proud!

Okay, so the ABC Family channel is staring this new TV series or movie called Karate Dog with Jon Voight. If I ever find out that anyone watches it, I will pull a Nick and forbid you calling me your brother or son. Don’t tempt me.

Onto the main event.

We attended a crazy celebration exclusive to San Antonio called Fiesta, which apparently means “excuse to get drunk” in Spanish. No one really knows why “we” celebrate, in fact the response to my question most of the time was “…uhhh, does it matter?” Fiesta is kind of like Prom: Everyone talks about it so much that you feel compelled to go, but once you get there, you wonder what all the celebration is about (not to say it wasn’t fun).

So there we were, taking advantage of my free downtown parking pass, ready to take on anything that came our way, including the glass of water that got dumped on Jenn’s head which happened during the parade. I turned around ready to nail the guy right between the eyes but after turning around to defend my wife’s honor and seeing a little girl with an upturned cup of water above us, I figured body slamming a four-year old wouldn’t make me feel any manlier.

Hey, there's my prom date!

I even did a little missionary work. Some guy passing out flyers for his church recognized my BYU intramural basketball championship shirt and asked if I was Mormon. Upon answering in the affirmative he was quick to point out that we have something in common in that we are both Christians. This surprised me in that most evangelical churches down here refuse to recognize that. Unfortunately he wasn't too interested in our championship run.

So instead of laying out the day a la play-by-play, I’m giving my top four highlights of the day-long event(in no particular order)—hold onto your sombreros, here we go…

4. Losing—then finding—then losing my phone
After the parade (which ended at 10:30 pm), we walked about six blocks to take down chairs that the stake set up in order to raise money for high-adventure trips for the young men. Well, as part of the young men presidency in my ward, I made an appearance. After that was over, we walked to the parking garage and left feeling good that we were still alive and had not had anything stolen. Of course, about a minute later, Jenn received a phone call from a lady in our ward who tells us someone called them saying they had my phone.

Luckily, the guy who happened upon my phone was honest and didn’t ring up phone charges making international calls. We met him the next day in the parking lot of Taco Cabana where his whole family sat in the truck while we exchanged pleasantries. I have no joke here.

By the way, it took me four more days to find my case after the Taco Cabana exchange.

3. Turkey Legs
No, I’m not talking about me wearing shorts for the first time in six months—I’m talking about eating a whole turkey leg that was almost half as good as dad’s barrel chicken (which says quite a bit). The food in general was everywhere. We couldn’t walk 10 feet without seeing a chalupa stand or barbecue stand. And that’s what Fiesta is all about—where else would you see such cultural cohabitation—a gordita stand next to a hamburger stand next to a shish kabob stand next to a funnel cake stand (the latter being the most heavily overrated). It was like the United Nations of Food. Sadly, there were no steak fingers.

Almost as healthy as lasagna cheese bread

2. Trash
I don’t know how a lowlight actually makes my highlight list. Probably because of the sheer magnitude of what happened immediately after the parade ended. As mentioned earlier, Jenn and I stayed after to help take down chairs. Simply put, there was more trash in the street than the inside of a Denny’s at 2 in the morning.

C'mon people, yo mamma don't work here!

Unfortunately I stepped on something that squirted something else on my leg about 4 inches above my left ankle. I still don’t know what it was but it was orange and slimy. Not wanting it to burn through my leg, I quickly wiped it off with tissue I was carrying in my pocket. Of course, the tissue didn’t provide much surface area for adequate wipeage, as it looked like it had gone through the wash about 83 times.

1. Parade
Ahhh, what is a party without a parade? The parade was almost as exciting as the Honeyville parade: Seats weren’t as good, no over-threatening emcee, no famous grand marshal grandparents and, of course, no ten dollar pancake breakfast plate. A parade is a parade but I think the highlight was when it looked like the Chick-filet float was throwing stuff out into the crowd and everyone was going crazy trying to get their hands on whatever made its way into the throngs of people. A fortunate parade viewer next to me grabbed one and triumphantly held it at arms length. As I looked over his shoulder, I noticed it was nothing other than a buy one get one free coupon. Talk about the find of a lifetime. That’s scrapbook material.

Wait, who posing for who??

It reminded me of when Jenn and I were at a basketball game in the Marriott Center when the blimp miraculously headed into our section and dropped what could have been hundred dollar bills, judging from the reaction of everyone nearby. I of course, wasn’t immune, and without vacillation showed off my lightning quick reaction as I snatched the piece of glossy paper from the outreached hands of an old woman who feebly stood in the aisle in front of me. The little piece of paper was a free Glazies donut. Is that the best they can do?

Well, you can’t look a gift horse in the mouth…or can you? I have never understood this. Anyone who has taken any type of economics class can tell you that there is no such thing as a free lunch—opportunity cost is everywhere. If someone gives you a free car, it isn’t entirely free in one sense because you still have to get it registered which requires time and money. Just ask Oprah’s audience members. The same with a horse—the horse has to eat, be cleaned, poop needs to be shoveled, etc. You also probably have to hire one of your cousins to ride along with you to make sure that you don’t take the horse out to fast, heaven forbid. Also, what if the horse is sick? Then you have to either find a vet or send him to the glue factory, both of which require some form of expense. Therefore, it, in fact, would be prudent to look a gift horse in the mouth. Spread the word.

Where was I?!?!? Oh yeah, so the point is that I am not going to use gas money or time to get a supposedly free glazies donut. That’s another thing, everyone here says supposebly and it’s driving me crazy, and the Spurs just lost, and I can’t stand Tim Duncan’s whiny face, and when will Napoleon Dynamite officially be added as part of the missionary discussions, and….I’m done.