Interesting Weekend

Friday night we had a family dinner to go to. Janis Cook was marrying on the morrow and Ellen and Boyd were throwing a shindig at the Honeyville Church. It was to begin at 6:00 p.m. Dad was marrying Janis and Rusty and he was scheduled to meet with them after the dinner. We start out at about 4:45. We knew we were going to hit traffic but there wasn't anything we could do about it. We hear on the radio that the traffic is slow go because of two accidents on the Freeway and also because it is Friday night - in the middle of rush hour. So we decide to go by way of Beck Street. Bad idea. So did everyone else. It took us one hour to get from our house to North Salt Lake. So we thought, "this is ridiculous. We will never make it." So we turn around at the next exit and head for home. Meanwhile I call up there to let them know. No one answered on Ellen's phone so I called Nancy. She said she would have Ellen call us (Nancy was enroute and almost to Honeyville.) Ellen calls and we explain our predicament. "No problem, " she declares. She puts Janis on the phone and I proceed to tell her that Uncle Jim will meet with her and Rusty at 12:00 noon to go over the paperwork. She replies, "What paperwork?" "Well, the marriage license." She says, "What marriage license?" Then I hear Ellen say in a loud voice, "You didn't get a marriage license??????" Then the phone went dead. I couldn't get anybody.....Anne, Carole, Ellen or Nancy. We didn't know what was going on. Here it was after 6:00 on a Friday afternoon and no marriage license. Finally after a couple of hours Boyd called and said after much finagling and such, they got one. Ellen, as mayor of Honeyville called in her favors. The County Clerk is a good friend of hers. Boyd drug Rusty and Janis down to Brigham City where he forked over the $50 for the license because they didn't have any money. Janis's reply was, "Nobody told me you had to have a marriage license!" Everyone was laughing about it on Saturday, but not on Friday. We thought it was a blessing in disguise that was had got stuck in traffic, because had we not called, it would have been after 9:00 on Friday. Crazy....

Saturday we took off to the wedding. We stopped at the Layton Mall so dad could get a new tie and I could pick up a couple of things at Deseret Book. I noticed that the lining in my dress was sagging. I tried to pin it to no avail. So Dad said he would buy me a new outfit between the meeting with Janis and the wedding. We head over to Logan and I try on several dresses at Dillards. We get one. Then we run over to Famous Footwear and I get new shoes. Then I took everything in the bathroom and changed clothes. Then I had to come out in the mall where Dad cut off the tags and clipped the hem in the back of the dress. Then on the way out, I stopped at Penney's and bought a new purse to match. We made it back in time for Dad to do a bang up job marrying them. We made it back home at about 9:30 last night. I was so tired - but I looked good. (Of course, Dad accused me of sabotaging my own dress lining - hey I am not stupid).

I love the NBA

So being all alone with nothing to do except watch TV, I decided to use the time to watch the NBA Finals. (It was either that or the UFC reality TV show. I decided on basketball. Sorry, Nick. Although I did watch one episode. And now they're doing a segment about it on The O'Reilly Factor.)

Since the finals came to an end yesterday, I decided to list some of my observations. Keep in mind that most of these come from the last three games.

1.) Things you don't hear every day from the commentators:

1. "Walker with a good play! Walker's really been hurting Dallas."
   
2. Talking about Wade: "He's humble and he has humility."
   
3. After he makes his first shot of the game: "Posey's been hot tonight."
   
4. After Shaq has been hogging the championship trophy all night, Dan Patrick finally asks him, "So, are you going to sleep with that tonight?"
   

2.) Who says NBA players (and coaches) aren't eloquent?

1. According to Shaq: "I want to win the championship for Riley, Big 'Zo (Mourning), GP (Payton), oh yeah, and Flash (Wade). He deserves it." What? If it wasn't for Wade, the Heat would be in contention for the top pick in the NBA draft.
2. Gary Payton post-game interview: Interviewer: "How does it feel winning after losing two straight?" Payton: "Didn't nobody think we was gonna do dat."
   
3. Dan Patrick: "What do have to say about taking over as coach?" Riley: "Well, it seems like 5 years ago." Then, without answering the question... But I do want to say this, These guys are the greatest and they deserve it... Oh, yeah, San Dimas High School Football Rules!"
   

3.) I love player bios.

1. Did you know that Nowitski is from Germany and likes David Hasselhoff? They only talked about every timeout of every game.
   
2. Did you know that Marquis Daniels has an entire Bible verse from Psalms tattooed on his chest? Where do these announcers get this information?
   

4.) As if watching just the game wasn't bad enough...

1. How many times do they have to show Shaq's dad in the crowd?
   
2. Can I say I already hate the show The Nine? How many times can you watch the previews before you want to eat your own barf?
   
3. Superman trailers comparing Shaq to Superman? That's like comparing Steven Segal to Chuck Norris.
   

5.) Final feelings...

1. Man, Gary Payton is really good...at sucking it up. The Glove? Come on, more like the Mitten. I bet Karl Malone is pissed.
   
2. Does Shaq have an inferiority complex or what? When David Stern was trying to give Wade the MVP trophy, Shaq kept trying to grab it away from him. Dude, get over it. Mourning and Dampier did better than you. You had like 9 points in the final game! You and Payton should go hang out.
   
3. And finally....Why do I feel embarrassed every time Van Horn gets in the game?
   

School and Drool

Hey everyone... for those of you who are interested, I am officially enrolled in the ACT Teaching program here in San Antonio. My institute (not religion, that's just what they call it) classes start on Sept. 28 and go till the middle of November. The classes are 4 nights a week and saturdays. I have a review session in July for my TeXes Exams, which I have to pass before I can apply for any jobs. The nice thing is that once I pass that, since I am enrolled in the program, I could technically get a teaching job for this coming school year. However, as that is a little soon, I am planning on getting a teaching job for January. Plus, I need time to take my ESL TeXes exam on top of the EC-4 generalist. (I am much more employable being ESL certified) And for all of you who are thinking, wait, does she know spanish?, you don't have to know spanish to teach ESL classes. Plus for those of you who don't remember I already have taught an ESL class in Orem, so I'm pretty much an expert. I know this isnt as prestigious as medical school and I guess "technically" the TeXes exam may not be as difficult as the MCAT, but I'm excited nonetheless. Anyway, it's weird to think that I'll be a real teacher in less than a year. And now for some cute pictures of Oliver:

this ones for his modeling portfolio

Here, he is doing his constipation face

And this ones just a playful candid shot

Oh...and something cool. Yesterday we were at Chad and Jenns and he pulled himself up to a standing position while holding on to their ottoman. First time! Chad must bring it out in him.

Tastes Great...Less Filling

Before you read any further, make sure you read Trevor’s latest entry, it's a doozy. (blog etiquette and all…)

We had only been to church twice before I got a call last Tuesday to give the lesson in Elder’s quorum for this past Sunday. I thought I had done everything right, including:

1. Arrived the first Sunday 10 minutes late

2. Introduced myself without mentioning BYU or my mission

3. Wore a brown shirt, then a blue shirt

4. Left the top button undone

Nick, without going the way of sandals, what else could I have done? You should seriously consider opening up your own consulting service, maybe a musical collaboration with John Bytheway....

Anyway, while my lesson went well on Sunday (not as good as Cint, mind you), that isn’t what this snippet is about: I am truly wondering what the majority of the women in the family feel about some anecdotal evidence or the recurring motif that I have encountered during my short 27 years as a church meeting attender. I am specifically referring to those Sundays known as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. The general observation to which I refer is how women receive flowers, either carnation or potted, and the men receive some sort of bite-sized morsel; a candy bar, cookies, etc.

Frankly, I think giving things out during the aforementioned days are highly overrated. But it seems as though if I were a woman, I would be extremely jealous of the guys. In both of the wards we have been in here in Texas, they have given Snickers and (2) chewy white chocolate and macadamia nut cookies, respectively, to the guys and carnations to the women. I would be absolutely outraged. But of course, I am no woman so I may be way off base here.

Maybe they should just give out pass-a-long cards, or breath mints.

By the way, this is a rhetorical question of sorts, so don’t feel compelled to answer.

The Horse-Rider Steals the Show

Well, I know you are all interested to know how the AND 1 event was so that you can hurry up and ask for a refund on those tickets, so tonight, being Sunday, I have decided to do just that. I must inform you how it was to be with the entire black population of Utah at the E Center in West Valley City. I believe, however, that this would be of the greatest advantage if I did this chronologically. So, here it goes.

2 weeks previous: I find myself torn between buying the tickets to AND 1 or simply spending the money on food, books, and exercise equipment that I will use for a total of two weeks before realizing that my body is practically perfect anyway. However, through the insistence by one of my coworkers, I decide to “jump out on a limb” and buy the tickets with the idea of taking someone that would also enjoy themselves at the NAACP convention of Utah.

1 week previous: I frequently hear the constant nagging by my coworkers asking who I am going to take to the venue. My reply, “Get off my back!! Alright? I’ll find someone.”

1 day previous: I am talking to Marlae and one of my coworkers slips it out that I will be attending the event aforementioned and she inquires as to what it involves. So I find myself showing my boss (during work hours!) videos of AND 1 that are posted on google video. Still without any idea as to who to take.

About 10 hours before the start: I decide to ask one girl from work that turned out to be my default. However, that idea crashed and she had made previous arrangements. (I find out a couple of hours from the girl herself that she had been hinting that she had wanted to go forever and I just wasn’t picking up on the idea. Go figure!)

6 hours and dwindling: Well, as sad and embarrassing as this is, I call up a mission buddy (no, not Heidi Pappenfuss, Chad!) and I decide to invite him. (Feel free to unload the jokes. I’ve brought them on myself.)

Tip-off: My expectations were exactly what I had seen on the AND 1 episodes; sic ball handling skills, awesome dunks, opponents being made to look stupid, etc. Who can’t be pumped up for that? I was going to be able to see legends such as Hot Sauce, Air Up There, ½ Man ½ Amazing, the Professor, etc. I was only waiting for the first juke so that I could jump up and start boxing out my posse I was with in celebration of the move. I am, however, disappointed with the turn out. Only about 15% of the seats are filled out of the whole stadium.

10 minutes into the first half (there are 25 min. halves): Well, so far I have seen an unnamed black guy on the opposing team pull the head-band over the Professor’s eyes, the opposing team do some awesome alleyoops (is that how you spell it) and stay in the lead over the AND 1 team. Great, but isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Nice jump shot Main Event. Maybe next time you should make it. AO, I must say that was an awesome pass through four opposing players to an unexpecting Air Up There in the key. And what is the deal with the announcer, appareled in AND 1 apparel and an afro, roaming the floor of the court speaking so close into the microphone so that the only thing anyone can understand from him is the name of the players. Yeah; thanks.

20 minutes into the first half: Is that Jermaine Odjegba, my freshman BYU roommate playing for the SLC team? No, I don’t think so. Sometimes I just confuse all the black people. Don’t worry; I can say that. I have black friends. And why all the jump shots!!! How noble you are Baby Shack for taking a shot just above the free throw line and missing it! No, not really. I didn’t pay for you to win the game, I paid for you to dunk the ball, hang on the rim, and swing your crotch into the opponents face to make him look even more like the church basketball ringer that he is.

23 minutes into the first half: Finally!!! Sweet dunk by the Air Up There. On a fast break on the little coyotes basketball court, A.U.T. goes up for the dunk, reverses to face opposite of the rim, lifts the legs to be horizontal, pumps the ball between ‘em and brings it back to dunk it. The crowd is going crazy. BOX-OUT! BOX-OUT!

Half-Time: Throughout the whole first half, there is hip-hop and rap going on through the speakers so the 20 min. half time is no exception. They make an introduction. It is none other than SNL’s Kenan Thompson, a.k.a. “knucklepuck” from Mighty Ducks. “…and who do you think it was? Emilio Estevez, the Mighty Ducks man…” While there is some hip-hop going on, they bring on some girl rapper with blond bangs and dark brown hair in the back, making it appear as if she’s imitating George Castanza’s hairstyle. During the great rap performance (more or less…waayyy less), I look over on the other side of the court in the bleachers and see about five guys (one of ‘em black) around my age and a girl on one end of the group; obviously the girlfriend of the guy closer to her. They all seem to be moving to the beat pretty well. One of ‘em even has a beer in his hand, trying to balance himself and the beer at the same time. However, the girl on the end tries to “get jiggy wit’ it” but unfortunately she is doing just the opposite. She looks like she is doing a mix between pumping water out of a well and riding a horse. That became the highlight of the night.

15 minutes into the second half: On the sideline opposite of me, about 20-30 black people and wiggers start having a huge dance party/mosh pit. Some of the AND 1 players join in and the cameras divert their attention from the basketball game to the dance going on. My thoughts: What are you doing?! You’re going to miss the missed jump shots and the elementary school passes and not be able to put them on your AND 1 Mixed Taped Tour vol. 9. Oh well. The dance party lasts about three minutes before a Tongan jumps over the two foot barrier and starts having a dancing seizure for the camera. Two rows in front of me a four-hundred pound tongan tries to keep rhythm to the song “It’s goin’ down” by nearly taking the bolts from the foot of the seats and whipping a towel so much he continues to hit the innocent white guy in front of him.

20 minutes into the second half: The speakers are blasting Lil’ John’s recent hit “Snap Yo’ Fingas” and the girl on the other side continues into her handicapped rhythm by snapping her fingers at the wrong moments and doing a sad (sooo sad) imitation of the moves on Lil’ John’s music video by twitching and playing the air drums.

With 15 seconds winding down: The girl is in her retarded phase, the overweight tongan is seriously pushing his limits on the chair he is sitting on, the AND 1 cheerleaders have nothing to do except flirt with the on-court announcer and “knucklepuck” in their not-worthy-of-a-church-dance attire, and AO currently has the ball. He’s baseline, dribbling, then…he grabs the back of the shirt of his defender, pulls it over his head, throws the ball and hits the defenders jersey-covered head and it bounces back. With ten seconds left, AO grabs the ball, chucks the ball in the air and begins stripping mid-court. He starts chucking everything into the stands and then runs off into the tunnel in nothing but his boxers and socks.

Leaving the event: I would love to say that was the end of the event, but it wouldn’t put the polish on an event in WVC without the typical high school fight between mid-20 year olds. Right outside our portal, two guys start fighting with their hick girlfriends trying to get involved in it also. That became the crowd-pleaser of the night.

It is the year 2003, and I am in the break room watching an AND 1 episode on ESPN. Chad walks in, and after watching for a total of 15 seconds, he says “Dude, I can beat ‘em. It’s not like they would be any good if they had to abide by normal basketball rules.” I doubted it and expressed it. To this day I am sure that Chad will continue with that statement. However, this time, I must say that I will have to agree with Chad. Their defense consisted of super hard fouls, reaching in and trying to hit the ball close-fisted, and poor passes. The classic Chad-to-Clint church basketball combination probably rivals anything they did that night.

So that was it. I must say that I was disappointed with the whole game. The turnout, although appearing to lack in support, really wasn’t that big of a deal considering that in the AND 1 videos they always seemed to be playing in High School gymnasiums. The tricks and jukes were lacking. The passing was about as sweet as not and even now, when I think about it, my attention is diverted to the water pumping girl jockey on the other side of the court.

Grace & I had a wonderful time in Mexico. It almost seems like a dream at this point. I would love to go back..... Here are some pictures

Tekken

Instead of sending out a mass email, I decided to post a link to this video of my favorite video game. Did I ever tell you about the conference I went to in Quebec and this French-speaking dude wanted to play me in Tekken? As soon as I picked Eddy, he should've know it was over.

The Flight From Hell

I know I shouldn't use that vernacular, but believe me, it was. I had a wonderful trip back to Maryland and Philadelphia. I loved seeing everyone back there. Playing with the grandkids was great. Mayka and the boys dropped me off at the Baltimore airport at 3:30. I boarded the plane at 5:30 Baltimore time. I was supposed to sit on the aisle but they screwed that up and I ended up in the middle. Okay.........I can deal with that. The girl by the window chomped her gums so loud I wanted to smack her. She put new gum in her mouth every 15 minutes and wrapped the old stuff in a wrapper and stuck it in her pocket. She did this the whole trip. The guy on the aisle kept moving his knees back and forth in a nervous matter. I wanted to grip his leg and yell, "Stop it!!!!" But I didn't think it would be appropriate and might have been perceived as racist. So we departed. The family in front of me consisted of a mom, dad and twin little girls - about 2 years old. As soon as we got in the air, they started screaming. They didn't stop. I had on my ipod and still couldn't drown out the noise. Everyone was holding their heads. Then one of the little girls pooed her pants and got it all over the seat. The smell was horrendous and wafted through the cabin. Finally the captain comes on and says, "We can't land in Denver yet because they are having microbursts. " So we circled for quite awhile and then ran out of fuel. So we were diverted to Colorado Springs. We were the 20th plane in line for fuel, so we sat in the plane on the tarmac for two hours without any food or water. Another baby joined in the chorus. We finally got on our way to Denver at 10:30. My connecting flight from Denver was supposed to be at 10:05. Obviously, I have missed it. We were beginning our descent into Denver when all at once we heard the flight attendant say in a loud voice, "Ma'am, we are landing. Please sit down." Everyone looks backwards, and down the aisle from the bathroom comes a little old lady with a cane. The turbulence was quite pronounced. She finally found her seat up close to the front. The absurdity of the whole thing made me burst out laughing. I think it was a nervous laugh - because I was getting just a little shaky. We landed in Denver where I found my flight had closed. But I found a service rep who said "no, it's not" and I was able to board. I landed in Salt Lake City at 1:00 where Dad was able to pick me up. Meanwhile, they didn't get my luggage on board in Denver, thus I didn't have my luggage. But when I got home from work. it was here. So needless to say, it was quite the adventure. I am glad that I went and glad to be home.

Chad's 15 Minutes

Did anybody else see the most recent episode of Fox's So You Think You Can Dance? After each dancer received the thumbs-up or thumbs-down for inclusion in the top 10 from the judges, they returned to the other awaiting dancers to reveal the good or bad news. Anyway, one tall, lanky guy emerged from behind the curtain and said in a dejected tone "Well, I don't know what the judges are looking for ..." followed by an arrogant grab of the front of his shirt and continued, smiling, "but I guess they we're looking for me." Mayka and I looked at each other and thought "What is Chad doing on TV?"

Ode to a Medical Records Specialist

I had to get a tenanus shot on Friday because I was too "into" my profession and stabbed myself with a foam clip. Then I was showing a couple of people how I did it, and did it again. Thus my shot. We have an ice cream social tonight and I am in charge of background music. I got out some of our old CDs and Dad insisted on listening to " My Ding-a-Ling" I do not think that it will be appropriate. The birds keep building nests in my wreath on the front door and I have had to yank them out and destroy them. Ick!!!!! I am excited about going back east tomorrow. Dad's job while I am gone is to post a blog and pictures about Cancun - also putting in a new tub.