Well, I know you are all interested to know how the AND 1 event was so that you can hurry up and ask for a refund on those tickets, so tonight, being Sunday, I have decided to do just that. I must inform you how it was to be with the entire black population of
2 weeks previous: I find myself torn between buying the tickets to AND 1 or simply spending the money on food, books, and exercise equipment that I will use for a total of two weeks before realizing that my body is practically perfect anyway. However, through the insistence by one of my coworkers, I decide to “jump out on a limb” and buy the tickets with the idea of taking someone that would also enjoy themselves at the NAACP convention of
1 week previous: I frequently hear the constant nagging by my coworkers asking who I am going to take to the venue. My reply, “Get off my back!! Alright? I’ll find someone.”
1 day previous: I am talking to Marlae and one of my coworkers slips it out that I will be attending the event aforementioned and she inquires as to what it involves. So I find myself showing my boss (during work hours!) videos of AND 1 that are posted on google video. Still without any idea as to who to take.
About 10 hours before the start: I decide to ask one girl from work that turned out to be my default. However, that idea crashed and she had made previous arrangements. (I find out a couple of hours from the girl herself that she had been hinting that she had wanted to go forever and I just wasn’t picking up on the idea. Go figure!)
6 hours and dwindling: Well, as sad and embarrassing as this is, I call up a mission buddy (no, not Heidi Pappenfuss,
Tip-off: My expectations were exactly what I had seen on the AND 1 episodes; sic ball handling skills, awesome dunks, opponents being made to look stupid, etc. Who can’t be pumped up for that? I was going to be able to see legends such as Hot Sauce, Air Up There, ½ Man ½ Amazing, the Professor, etc. I was only waiting for the first juke so that I could jump up and start boxing out my posse I was with in celebration of the move. I am, however, disappointed with the turn out. Only about 15% of the seats are filled out of the whole stadium.
10 minutes into the first half (there are 25 min. halves): Well, so far I have seen an unnamed black guy on the opposing team pull the head-band over the Professor’s eyes, the opposing team do some awesome alleyoops (is that how you spell it) and stay in the lead over the AND 1 team. Great, but isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Nice jump shot Main Event. Maybe next time you should make it. AO, I must say that was an awesome pass through four opposing players to an unexpecting Air Up There in the key. And what is the deal with the announcer, appareled in AND 1 apparel and an afro, roaming the floor of the court speaking so close into the microphone so that the only thing anyone can understand from him is the name of the players. Yeah; thanks.
20 minutes into the first half: Is that Jermaine Odjegba, my freshman BYU roommate playing for the SLC team? No, I don’t think so. Sometimes I just confuse all the black people. Don’t worry; I can say that. I have black friends. And why all the jump shots!!! How noble you are Baby Shack for taking a shot just above the free throw line and missing it! No, not really. I didn’t pay for you to win the game, I paid for you to dunk the ball, hang on the rim, and swing your crotch into the opponents face to make him look even more like the church basketball ringer that he is.
23 minutes into the first half: Finally!!! Sweet dunk by the Air Up There. On a fast break on the little coyotes basketball court, A.U.T. goes up for the dunk, reverses to face opposite of the rim, lifts the legs to be horizontal, pumps the ball between ‘em and brings it back to dunk it. The crowd is going crazy. BOX-OUT! BOX-OUT!
Half-Time: Throughout the whole first half, there is hip-hop and rap going on through the speakers so the 20 min. half time is no exception. They make an introduction. It is none other than SNL’s Kenan Thompson, a.k.a. “knucklepuck” from Mighty Ducks. “…and who do you think it was? Emilio Estevez, the Mighty Ducks man…” While there is some hip-hop going on, they bring on some girl rapper with blond bangs and dark brown hair in the back, making it appear as if she’s imitating George Castanza’s hairstyle. During the great rap performance (more or less…waayyy less), I look over on the other side of the court in the bleachers and see about five guys (one of ‘em black) around my age and a girl on one end of the group; obviously the girlfriend of the guy closer to her. They all seem to be moving to the beat pretty well. One of ‘em even has a beer in his hand, trying to balance himself and the beer at the same time. However, the girl on the end tries to “get jiggy wit’ it” but unfortunately she is doing just the opposite. She looks like she is doing a mix between pumping water out of a well and riding a horse. That became the highlight of the night.
15 minutes into the second half: On the sideline opposite of me, about 20-30 black people and wiggers start having a huge dance party/mosh pit. Some of the AND 1 players join in and the cameras divert their attention from the basketball game to the dance going on. My thoughts: What are you doing?! You’re going to miss the missed jump shots and the elementary school passes and not be able to put them on your AND 1 Mixed Taped Tour vol. 9. Oh well. The dance party lasts about three minutes before a Tongan jumps over the two foot barrier and starts having a dancing seizure for the camera. Two rows in front of me a four-hundred pound tongan tries to keep rhythm to the song “It’s goin’ down” by nearly taking the bolts from the foot of the seats and whipping a towel so much he continues to hit the innocent white guy in front of him.
20 minutes into the second half: The speakers are blasting Lil’ John’s recent hit “Snap Yo’ Fingas” and the girl on the other side continues into her handicapped rhythm by snapping her fingers at the wrong moments and doing a sad (sooo sad) imitation of the moves on Lil’ John’s music video by twitching and playing the air drums.
With 15 seconds winding down: The girl is in her retarded phase, the overweight tongan is seriously pushing his limits on the chair he is sitting on, the AND 1 cheerleaders have nothing to do except flirt with the on-court announcer and “knucklepuck” in their not-worthy-of-a-church-dance attire, and AO currently has the ball. He’s baseline, dribbling, then…he grabs the back of the shirt of his defender, pulls it over his head, throws the ball and hits the defenders jersey-covered head and it bounces back. With ten seconds left, AO grabs the ball, chucks the ball in the air and begins stripping mid-court. He starts chucking everything into the stands and then runs off into the tunnel in nothing but his boxers and socks.
Leaving the event: I would love to say that was the end of the event, but it wouldn’t put the polish on an event in WVC without the typical high school fight between mid-20 year olds. Right outside our portal, two guys start fighting with their hick girlfriends trying to get involved in it also. That became the crowd-pleaser of the night.
It is the year 2003, and I am in the break room watching an AND 1 episode on ESPN.
So that was it. I must say that I was disappointed with the whole game. The turnout, although appearing to lack in support, really wasn’t that big of a deal considering that in the AND 1 videos they always seemed to be playing in High School gymnasiums. The tricks and jukes were lacking. The passing was about as sweet as not and even now, when I think about it, my attention is diverted to the water pumping girl jockey on the other side of the court.
5 comments:
Well, Trevor, it sounds like you had a lot of...err...fun.
Who do you think would win between them and the Harlem Globe Trotters; and who ended up winning, besides those that stayed home?
So I guess the bottom line is are you glad you that one girl ended up not going with you?
Also, if you've ever needed a reason to stay in school, well....
I am glad I had another appointment....
Maybe I missed something but where is the discussion of the NAACP?
Gosh Trevor - good blog. You were here all weekend and we didn't hear a thing. When we asked you about it, you said, "it was alright." Glad to hear all about it.
How embarrassing would that have been if you had taken a girl with you? She might have thought that you really did enjoy yourself.
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