Pregnancy Bliss

The following is just a few of the wonderful things I am experiencing at the moment.

Sleep

Every night I am tricked into thinking that because I am so sleepy I will sleep throughout the whole night, and every night that dream is spoiled.
The first thing I do when I get into bed is arrange my pillows: One under my head, one between my legs, one under my stomach and one that I hold. As soon as I’m ready and start to fall asleep, I realize that Mike didn’t turn the fan into our room and knowing that I will drown in my own sweat without that fan, I look to Mike who is conveniently asleep and get up only to go through my routine all over again.
The pillows work great until I feel the need to turn to my other side. If this activity that resembles crocodile wrestling doesn’t fully wake me up, it’s the thought that I better go to the bathroom as long as I’m partly awake. I struggle my way over the tower of pillows and twisted blankets, my joints are so stiff I can’t stand up straight and it takes my wrists 20 seconds to gain enough strength to hold me up. Once I get done in the bathroom I stumble back to bed only to realize that my mouth feels as dry as Clint’s feet look. Every night I feel as though fast Sunday was the next day and we were stupid enough to eat pizza that night. And then I remember, no, it’s just that wonderful St. George desert. I go back to the kitchen, find a cold water bottle and down the whole thing, only to realize after that this will cause 3 more bathroom stops during the night. I finally make it back to bed and fall asleep. As predicted, 2 hours later I wake up to go to the bathroom only to be blessed by a bloody nose. This takes me back to my elementary school days when I would lay on the floor for hours on end. While they are not exactly that bad, I still am surprised to see that not only blood is coming out of my nose, but several other things that I won’t mention.
As morning approaches the feel to stretch overtakes me before I have time to remember the consequences. One moment I’m snuggling up to my 10 pillows and the next, I’m sitting straight up, trying to not wake Mike with my silent scream, as my calf muscle contracts like a snapped rubber band. I try to point my feet up and the pain slowly drains. You would think I would learn my lesson but five minutes later the same thing happens again and then again.

Body Effects

My day consists of watching TV, cleaning up around the house, and playing spider solitaire, oh and of course eating. So why is it by the time late afternoon approaches I feel like I have just gotten done with running a marathon? Every part of my body aches and my joints feels like the Tin-mans’ from the Wizard of Oz, (before he received the oil). Now I already know Mikes response to this and if I hear it one more time I might just kill him: Exercise. Now if you ask me, walking to the mail box, carrying a huge load of laundry to the facility and of course walking back and forth from the refrigerator countless times a day are quite efficient for an exercise program. Plus anything more might harm the baby (an easy and non-arguable excuse). Another reason, for non-strenuous exercise is my sciatic nerve. Laugh all you want, but until you experience it you have no idea what it is like. If I move heavy things during the day or walk around a lot, I am usually accompanied by a painful reminder for the remainder of that day. One minute I’m walking calmly around Costco, eating up the delicious caramel cheesecake sample, when a sharp pain travels up my thigh causing my leg to completely give out. For the rest of the trip I lean on the cart trying to look half normal while I walk/limp down the aisle. The best is when the syatic nerve pairs up with the leg cramp. Now that’s when things get exciting.
My back, wanting some attention too, acts up by the end of the day, so I carry out my entourage of pillows from the bedroom and prop them on the couch to ease the pain. After an hour of complaining about my back and realizing that Mike will never figure it out on his own, I give in and ask him if he would be so kind as to massage it for me. He reluctantly agrees and proceeds to rub my back in the same spot for a whole 5 minutes then goes back to his chair to continue changing channels. I don’t know what’s worse, the lower back pain that is still there, or the rug burn that is now permanently impressed in my back.

Emotional Instability

As if my body breaking down wasn’t bad enough, I can usually count on my mind doing the same thing at about the same time. As soon as dark approaches I can feel myself getting antsy, wanting something more than to watch Emril live for the 50th time in a row. Mike offers to change the channels, but the choices of the history or the video game channel really don’t appeal to me and the “joke” doesn’t make me laugh. I look around and realize that everything that is happening, or lack of for that matter, is annoying. It’s like I’m sitting in the back of the jeep all over again. Chad is on one side and Trevor on the other and both have their legs spread as wide as they possibly can, smashing mine in the process. Trevor might as well be asleep since I can hear his breathing over the half static-half talk radio dad is listening to. On the other side Chad is eating a package of pork rinds, although the same sound would emerge if he was eating gummy bears, while in between bites he blows his nose on a tissue that is as small and transparent as a trident gum wrapper. While Mike’s habits aren’t nearly as bad, his twitching foot causes me to go over the edge. However, I am comforted by one thought. Now I know some in the family may gasp in horror at what I’m about to say and to them I don’t apologize, for I am not ashamed (Plus, the dr. says it okay). I grab my mug and demand that Mike drive me to the corner gas station where soda refills are an amazing .49cents. I fill my mug with Dr. Pepper, yes, caffeinated Dr. Pepper and my anxiety diminishes as I drink. It truly is the best medicine and it only takes a few ounces before I am completely calm again.
Of course, then there is the fear that is creeping slowly inside me realizing that in a little over a month I will have a baby to take care of. Mike of course, completely reassures me by saying, “Sam, it’s no big deal, you can have an epidural.” and, “Don’t worry, I’ve changed a diaper before, taking care of a baby is going to be easy.” What would I do without him? At least (I hope), he will not be like his dad who, after Mike was born, said to his mom, “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Disclaimer: While this might seem like I am complaining, I am honestly truly thankful for this baby and for having this experience. Also, anything negative referring to Mike has been (only slightly) embellished for dramatic effect.