To pee or not to pee.

So the other day as I was heading out the door to work, my boss calls me and says she needs to see me in her office. "OK, fine," I think. "Hopefully I'm not getting fired for looking at our blog at work."

Well, I'm kind of nervous as I go in and I'm starting to get the pre-game nervous diarrhea (Chad, I know you know what I'm talking about here.) but I pull it together enough to talk to her and she informs me that I've been selected for random drug testing that morning.

"OK, good, at least I don't have to explain the naked guys in Speedos."

So now I'm not so nervous but I realize that I haven't had any breakfast yet and I'm not sure how full my bladder actually is. I've got to try so I go talk to the nurse and she walks be down to the bathroom and waits outside while I'm left to my own devices.... Five minutes later I realize that it's not working. I can't push too hard because I had eaten enchiladas the night before and you're not supposed to flush the toilet until the nurse comes back in. Well, I didn't want to leave a big deuce in the bottom of Mr. Porcelain himself (Can someone say awkward?) so I had to concede defeat. I told the nurse that I have performance anxiety but I don't think she thought it was that funny.

(What is funny, though, is that the bathroom was on automatic lights so while I was standing at the toilet with a cup in my hand and ... in the other, the lights would go off. So then I'd have to start dancing around to get the lights back on. At least I didn't fall over.)

Back to the story... So the nurse tells me to go get some water or a soda and be back before two hours are up to try again. Here's where I had a question I wish I could have asked someone. What kind of liquid works best in this situation? Should I have gone with milk, juice, water, soda, KM? I didn't know so I did what any respectable Tustison would do, I went to McDonald's and loaded up on a McGriddle and a 32 oz. Dr. Pepper. I drank about half of it there, filled it back up, drank it all gone and then went back to take my test. You'd think that drinking 50+ oz. of soda would do the trick, and it did, but I could still barely fill up the cup past the label. It wasn't until a couple hours after that that the rest was flowing like the salmon of capistrano.

So do other liquids go through your body faster than others? If anyone has an answer to this question that can be backed up by science, firsthand experience, or information from the BRI, that would be great to know for next time.

Thanks.