Emerging From the Proverbial Social Closet (with Machine Guns Afire)

Okay, so by now you probably know that we have moved to a different ward and have been in our current ward for a few months. Fortunately for me, but unfortunately for Kim, we have maintained relative anonymity despite Kim's best efforts at socialization. That was until the brouhaha that erupted yesterday during Priesthood and continued after the meeting formally closed. However, before I describe the verbal jousting (on the Sabbath, no less), I must preface it with a description of my mental state just having finished Sunday School. I noticed at the beginning of Sunday School that the instructor had carried a book to the lectern that I immediately recognized. What was interesting was that this book concerns the history of polygamy from Joseph Smith to the current fundamentalists in Colorado City --- nothing whatsoever to do with the Northern/Southern Kingdom split during King Rehoboam's reign. She used the polygamy book for an extremely odd tangential commentary regarding the politics of pre-Manifesto Mormonism. Essentially George Q. Cannon was shopping the Mormon-bloc vote to both the Republicans and Democrats trying to acquire a favorable position for acquiring Utah statehood. Anyway, that's another topic but somehow she forced it into the lesson. After her lesson, I asked her if she liked the book. She said that it made her mad (I have to follow-up that comment) and that her husband, the first counselor, was the one who likes to read that stuff. Fortunately, her husband was nearby and we had a long talk. In fact, they want us to come over for dinner sometime. That should leave the score Nick: 1 and Kim: 0 for getting a dinner invitation in the new ward.

Unfortunately I was left in a conversational state for Priesthood meeting as opposed to my usual leave-me-alone-I'm-sitting-in-the-back-corner state. The lesson concerned the Word of Wisdom (WoW) from the Gospel Principles manual. We have many new converts so we don't use the Wilford Woodruff manual. It so happens, as it typically does when discussing the WoW, that the instructor, who was the EQP, used the WoW to illustrate the incredible prophetic foresight of Joseph Smith. The implicit argument is that Joseph Smith must be a valid prophet because nobody could have predicted the harmful effects of those items proscribed by the WoW. I normally would have let this go but, remember my current state, I said something like "Actually, those items that are outlined in the Word of Wisdom were all part of the contemporary medical debate. Much of this is covered in Paul H. Peterson's BYU master's thesis, for those of you that might be interested. For example, D & C 89 discusses 'hot drinks' which are currently interpreted as being coffee and tea. However, these two items were not exhaustive as the contemporary debate concerned the actual temperature of the beverage. Assuming that he formulated this revelation free from any environmental context, which would demonstrate incredible prophetic abilities, does not accord with the evidence." After I said that, some guy from the back corner said, somewhat sardonically, "Well, did they have conspiring men back then?" I thought to myself, "What are you talking about? I said absolutely nothing about 'conspiring men'." Anyway, more about him later. I understand that what I said sounds terribly pretentious which is why I usually refrain from saying anything at all. After the class, I approached the EQP and said that I hope I didn't sound too contrarian, which wasn't my intent but rather to correct an assumption all too often repeated when discussing the Word of Wisdom. That's when Br. "Conspiring Men" approached me. I realize now that I should have kept quiet since discussions with individuals that aren't familiar with the history are fruitless. He thought I was attacking Joseph Smith. I conceded that while D&C 89 is inspired (I never said otherwise), the typical arguments proposed in church concerning the WoW are historically naive. Fortunately, Aiden's running through the chapel bailed me out of the conversation. I'm sure I'll get cornered in two weeks when we go again. At least I'll be out of the running for a future teacher position.

Addendum: I forgot to mention that I was also asked to say the opening prayer. When the second counselor asked me and I agreed, Kim turned to me when he left and warned "You better say more than one phrase. I want at least one 'We thank thee...' and one 'We ask thee...'" Don't worry --- I obliged, albeit minimally.