Dangit Napoleon, Make yourself a darn quesadilla!

The dust is settling, the proverbial light “at the end of the tunnel” has arrived, and Cougar football-talk is creating false hype and hope across internet binary code. This can mean only one thing: The Budget season is (almost) officially over. We adopt on September 15—the budget, that is.

For the last thirty-four days, I have been a slave to the Budget Document—we’ve worked every day, including Saturdays & Sundays, and averaged probably 11pm to midnight every night (or morning) with little or no food and water. Okay, maybe they let us eat and drink….but it was the eating and drinking that a high school coach would use: “For the next 3 months, you will be doing nothing but eating and drinking Budget….You listen to me you little maggots!!!!!” It started feeling like the mission again when you barely knew what day it was because all the days just rolled together into one. It was amazing because no one in the office could tell you right off hand what day it was. It all culminated last Sunday when we were here till 5:30 in the morning and had to be back by 9:30. I don’t get paid enough for this.

Anyway, why am I telling you this? I have no idea except to explain and rationalize my leave of absence from the beloved blog. I am writing to let everyone know that I am unshackling the chains of budget bondage and replacing them with a quill--which reminds me: Mike, I still think your brother-in-law (?) is cool for being a member of the S&Q Club (That's Sword & Quill club for you unlearned). I was always too intimidated to approach the girl wearing the chain-mail, peasant dress and dagger. Maybe Trevor will have more success. "I mean, it would look good on you're resume, right?"

Anyway, onto some random notes:

1. I'm more out of shape than Greg Ostertag. My diet for the last month has been Domino's Pizza, Spaghetti Warehouse and Chick Filet. My once-upon-a-time 24-inch pythons now rival even the most prolific and revered Relief Society arms in the country--my triceps have become uniceps. I've maxxed out at 194 pounds and, while you may not believe it, it wasn't/isn't all muscle. Remember that I came to San Antonio weighing in at 176. I can curl a chicken burger, bench press a pizza box and squat...well.... the only time I'm squatting is....never mind. I will forego posting a picture on the blog for all your benefit, but let's just say that I'm not in the best shape of my life. My hourglass figure is no more. I'll keep you posted...

2. I'm looking forward to some days off. Jenn and I are going to plan some trips around Texas and up to Oklahoma in the next few months. We want to visit Grandma and Grandpa T and wrestle some pigs, eat steak fingers or take a ride on the pontoon boat they bought. If we’re lucky we may even get to go the Indian Artifact store, and pick up some gifts for Christmas. Jenn's parents are also coming down in mid-October, so I'll probably take off a day or two to take them to the Alamo, River Walk, etc. On Monday I'm going to take the day off to run some errands, including getting my Texas driver's license, which will be a blog experience in itself. The only thing I'm looking forward to more than days off is the 2nd season of Desperate Housewives, which starts on September 25th. And don't act like you hadn’t marked your calendars...

3. I'm sure all of you remember when we used to play UTEP when we belonged to the WAC. Anyway, one of the Senior Analysts, who is very nice, approached us and said that she didn't appreciate the way BYU football fans treated other teams when they visited, and consequently was apprehensive in even giving us an interview (she was one of the three that interviewed me). Robby, fellow BYU grad, and I told her that all teams can be annoying and that we didn't think BYU was necessarily an aberration to having annoying fans. Abruptly she says, "No one else threw tortillas at our team just because we are mostly Mexican!" We thought she was completely joking but she said that it was the buzz on campus when we played them in football--nasty editorials, water cooler talk, and backlash against our Institute buildings (I'm guessing). Even UTEP alumnus Sam Donaldson stopped taking the discussions because of it (spread rumor at will). I guess when we played there, they would boo us really bad because of the alleged bigotry involving tortillas. After telling her that we threw tortillas at every game, we told her it was her duty and obligation to let all fellow alumni know that we are good people. We even tossed the edible discs when Notre Dame came to town and anyone who has see ‘Rudy’ knows there weren’t any visible Mexican-Americans. I told her that at least half the crowd most likely spoke Spanish and that many had been immersed in. Anyway, if you happen to interact with a UTEP alumnus, please let them in on the true tortilla story. We need to take out an Ad in UTEP's paper. I feel very strongly about this. And Clint, if Mayka doesn't read this, let her know also that there was no need to be offended.

4. I was back at church for the first time today in a month and found out that the teacher's advisor hasn't been there for the last three weeks. I ended up teaching the boys and I must say that these guys are still crazy. I mean, I don't care if they listen or not but when they start tackling each other in the middle of class for no apparent reason, you leave convinced that these kids are indeed brain damaged. I had to raise my voice a couple of times. The most unruly of them all is the bishop's son, who has an attention span of approximately .032 seconds. As Jenn would innocently say "He's the opposite of a 'Goody Tissues.'" Jenn substituted for the sunbeams which meant that we had something in common: we both taught 3-year olds.

5. Napoleon Dynamite is huge here; its characteristics are reminiscent of my high school days--started out relatively unknown, reputation spread like wildfire, and eventually became very popular, successful and oft quoted. Everyone loves when I quote Napoleon (even though I've only seen it twice). The best part is when someone in the office uses harsher language when they quote it. I laugh and remind them that Napoleon didn't exactly use the f-word before his famed "Idiot" response. Undoubtedly, they never believe me. Yes, these are my co-workers.